


Youngest [discontinued]

by Indigofingers



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Age Difference, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Best Friends, Bullying, Daehyun is protective, Drama, Friendship, Gen, Jongup is a genius, Other, Platonic Relationships, References to Drugs, Youngjae is a loner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-22 12:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7439938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Indigofingers/pseuds/Indigofingers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Youngjae is the youngest and Daehyun wants to protect him from everything, from bullies, bad girls and broken hearts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. there's more than two types of people

**Author's Note:**

> This story, HUM, kinda got lost in between all the Jikook I write, and I don't update it often. I love it, though, I love the dynamics I chose between the characters. I'll finish it eventually, and if you enjoy it, comment and tell me, so I'm encouraged to update more swiftly!

The first time Daehyun saw Youngjae, he was walking back to his dorm after eating lunch. Something tapped his shoulder and he turned to see a skinny, dark-haired guy around his own age holding out a blue-covered paperback. Daehyun blinked in surprise, unsure as to what it could be.

"That's not mine," he said.

The other guy nodded timidly, not looking at his face. "You said you wanted this book for your paper."

Daehyun, still puzzled, reached to take the book. Sure enough, it was the one he'd been pestering his friend to give up. "How'd you get this?"

Skinny guy shrugged. "I know the library only has three copies, so I made sure to get it ahead of time."

"Don't you need it, then?" Daehyun skimmed the pages. It was exactly what he needed to flesh out his essay.

"I've got all I need. Just take it back when you're done with it."

Daehyun closed the book and smiled. "Well, thanks. I'm Daehyun, by the way."

Skinny guy glanced up just long enough meet his eyes before looking back at his shoes. "I'm Youngjae." He did a funny little bow/nodding his head and started to walk away.

"I'll see you around, Youngjae!" Daehyun wasn't sure why he was more curious about this random student than other shy guys that he'd met. He usually didn't like the small ones. Smiling to himself, he stuffed the book in his backpack before watching Youngjae disappear into the dorm building.

\--

He called them small people because of the way they acted, not their actual size. Youngjae fit the bill, with his skinny frame, his slightly hunched shoulders and obvious shyness. He might be just as tall as the average guy, but the lack of meat on his bones and refusal to meet people's eyes made him seem smaller.

Daehyun, as a general rule, didn't like the small ones, because, in general, they were all fakes. The really shy people didn't approach non-shy people. They kept to themselves and seemed perfectly fine as loners or small group-ers. The fake ones would find a nice non-shy person and latch onto them, weaseling their way into people's hearts with a sad story or apparent fear of being touched.

It was easiest to tell that they were fake when they told those sad stories. The story itself might be heartbreaking, but their sadness never reached their eyes. The girls were experts at crocodile tears and the guys were experts at weirdly macho self-pity. Some complained that he was a cold-hearted bastard. Daehyun brushed it off. He wasn't the most sympathetic of people to begin with, but he had a soft spot for genuine hurt.

He just didn't encounter it very often. So, when the seemingly small Youngjae intrigued him, Daehyun knew there was something real there. He just wasn't sure if he wanted to pursue the issue or not. He decided to leave it up to fate. If he encountered the boy again, he could test just how real the kid was. Seemed like a good idea.

Daehyun dropped his backpack next to his bed and pulled out the book Youngjae had given him. He stared at the cover without seeing it for a few moments, then sighed. It had been a long time since he'd had any good ideas.

\--

It wasn't until he'd tapped Youngjae on the shoulder that Daehyun realized he had actually gone out of his way and risked ridicule from his friends just to say hi to a guy that he'd met for about a minute four days ago.

He had intended to seek him out earlier, if only to make contact and confirm that Youngjae was, as he suspected, a surprisingly legitimate small person among heaps of fake ones. As he submitted his now finished essay, that he was rather pleased with, but that wasn't important, he mused that he should probably avoid the mention of Youngjae to his friends. They didn't see a difference in small people and didn't understand why Daehyun did.

His essay sent it, with a satisfied feeling in his belly, Daehyun took the stars two at a time going down, so that he'd be able to find Youngjae, check him over, and meet up with his friends without having to explain why he was late. Daehyun was never late. He was the type of guy people expected to always be late, to turn in homework late, to get decent to poor grades and to sleep around. Not that he appreciated the assumptions, but they were always made regardless.

He found himself bringing an image of Youngjae to his mind and comparing it with what he saw of himself in the mirror and immediately shook himself out of it. Daehyun made it a point to never compare himself with others. He was only himself, might as well go with it. Comparison was a waste of time.

Daehyun was brought out of his scattered thoughts by a glimpse of someone skinny and dark-haired. That description fit many at the university, but Daehyun knew it was Youngjae by the set of his shoulders and how he only looked at his shoes. So he was perpetually shy, not just when talking to people. Interesting.

Interesting enough to make him weave through the crowd, heading straight for his small person. It was less weaving and more of people moving out of his way. Daehyun didn't notice it anymore, or maybe he did but just took it for granted. At any rate, his thoughts were focused on Youngjae, and stayed focused right up until he tapped him on the shoulder and then they were suddenly on "what the hell am I thinking?"

Youngjae turned and stared at him for a good seven seconds before shifting his gaze to somewhere between his shoes and the window beside them. Daehyun counted. It was usually about four seconds. Not that he'd done this a lot. More that he watched others do it. But those small people were fake and overcompensated. In those seven seconds of startlingly strong eye contact, Daehyun read all he needed to in Youngjae's eyes.

It was real.

Had he been hoping it wasn't? He couldn't be sure and it was too late now, he was invested. Once Daehyun invested, he continued until there was nothing left to be gained. Though, this time he wasn't sure what was to be gained.

Belatedly, he realized he hadn't actually said anything. He forced down the impulse to clear his throat and contemplated his options. He went for easy.

"Hey."

Youngjae's eyes flitted between his and the window a couple of times before settling on somewhere near his shoulder. Daehyun was faintly amused and mostly fascinated. He'd never seen such genuine shyness before. Granted, he'd never hung out with shy people before, and those that he watched interact with others were the fake ones, so.

Daehyun smiled a little as he watched Youngjae struggle to respond. "You're supposed to say 'hey' back."

Youngjae gave what appeared to be the ghost of a smile, a sort of apprehensive one. "Hey."

Daehyun got the impression that Youngjae was afraid of him and trying not to show it. He really couldn't understand why people were so easily scared by him. He wasn't intimidating to look at, he smiled all the time, he was easy-going and friendly. It probably had something to do with the people he called friends, but that was a dangerous train of thought, one he preferred not to take. He should say something to Youngjae to set him at ease.

"You make me curious." Okay, maybe not quite what he wanted to say.

Youngjae finally moved his eyes up toward Daehyun's face, though he didn't meet his eyes. "Why?"

"You're really shy." He wasn't making any sense, was he?

Youngjae frowned a bit, obviously unsure as to the point of this conversation. Daehyun wondered that too.

"Only when I first meet people. I'm okay once I get to know them."

Full sentences! This kid was interesting for sure. "Do we have any classes together?"

"Um," Youngjae moved his eyes away, "you're in all my classes."

It was Daehyun's turn to frown. He reviewed his classes the previous week. Sure enough, Youngjae popped up in all of them, filling the hazy space where his classmates faces all blended together. Daehyun was a pay attention during class, joke around later type of person, though many didn't believe him. It was weird enough that he was a music major, and being a good student on top of that. Daehyun would always shrug it off.

"Right. I remember you now. Professor Ahn always asks you to speak up."

Youngjae's face was a mixture of embarrassment and disbelief, the latter, Daehyun assumed, was for the fact that he actually knew who he was. "Yeah," was all gave in response.

"Well, good. We should study together sometime."

"Why?" There was no contempt in Youngjae's voice, only surprised curiosity.

"Because," Daehyun explained, "none of my friends are studying music, so I'm always alone. It'd be nice to have a buddy."

Youngjae shifted his weight, blinking. "A buddy? You want a study buddy?"

Daehyun smiled at that. "Well, if you want to think of it that way. I was thinking more along the lines of being friends. Friends who study together." He swallowed the laughter that was bubbling up his throat at Youngjae's expression. "But it's Friday and we only have reading this weekend, so unless you're the get ahead type of person, we have two and half to days to get to know each other before being actually study buddies."

Youngjae shook his head in a sort of dazed way. "Why do you want to be friends with me? I know who your friends are. They won't want me around."

Daehyun shrugged. "We don't have to include them. Like I said, they're not music people. Do you have people you can talk music with?"

Youngjae shook his head in clearly negative manner.

"Excellent." Daehyun clapped a hand on Youngjae's shoulder. "You have no reason to say no."

Youngjae finally met Daehyun's eyes again, his expression confused but hopeful. A tiny smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "I guess not."

\--

Daehyun had expected Youngjae to be a lightweight.

Not that he was any great drinker himself, but the kid was so skinny and had given him this rather petrified expression when Daehyun suggested they go out.

"I've never, uh, never really gone out for drinks before," Youngjae had stuttered.

Daehyun had clapped him on the back and insisted that "we won't drink much, just something light, between friends."

Youngjae twisted his hands and frowned, but couldn't do much when his new friend was tugging on his arm if he didn't want to look silly, so he let Daehyun lead him to his favorite place. He was a regular at this point and there were some wolfish grins as Youngjae passed, which made him grab onto Daehyun arm almost reflexively.

"Relax," Daehyun murmured sideways, patting Youngjae's hand on his arm. "Nobody really gets drunk here, they just drink. Everybody is friendly and nobody is going to hurt you."

Still, even when they were seated and Daehyun had ordered for them, Youngjae kept glancing around apprehensively.

"Youngjae."

The kid finally looked at him. Daehyun was partly amused and partly surprised by the ghostly fear in his eyes. "Hey, I told you, we'll drink a little, eat a little, talk. Whatever bad thing you thinking of, it's not going to happen. You get me?"

Youngjae met his eyes for a split second, nodded and promptly dropped his gaze. Their beers and snacks were brought and, after a great hesitation that had Daehyun biting his lip to keep from laughing, Youngjae took a sip.

"There, see? Not so bad."

"It tastes…alright, I guess." Youngjae wrinkled his nose a little as he took a second sip.

Daehyun leaned back comfortably. "I told you. So, talk time. Should I go first?"

Youngjae nodded a little too quickly. Daehyun thought it was adorable, then brushed aside that thought before it made him uncomfortable.

"Okay." Daehyun took a breath and hummed as if he was searching for the best place to start. "I'm 22."

Youngjae watched him expectantly. Daehyun forced himself not to grin. "Your turn."

"But," the other's jaw moved up and down without words for a moment, "you haven't said anything."

"I said I'm 22. How old are you?"

Youngjae's eyes were filled with confusion. "I'm 21."

Daehyun leaned forward again and rested his arms on the table. "Oh, good. I knew you were younger. So, you can call me hyung."

Again, the slow nod of 'I'll-just-go-along-with-whatever-you-say.'

"Did you always want to study music?"

"Um." Youngjae quickly sipped at his drink. "No, I didn't really know what I wanted to study until I got here."

"So, did you pick this university because it's close to home?"

"Because it's far away from home." Youngjae gripped the bottle tightly. "It's nice, you know? Getting some space, doing stuff on your own."

Daehyun was startled by the barely disguised bitterness in the other's voice. So they were there already. He'd expected him to be a bit more guarded, but maybe that's how Youngjae did it, in spurts of sarcasm. He knew a lot of people who did it that way, except they all sounded fake. As Daehyun watched Youngjae continue to make his alcohol disappear, he studied his actions, the darting movement of his eyes. Yeah, this was real.

He decided to put him back on topic. "What do you like best about music?"

"It's the only thing that gave back."

"What do you mean?"

"Math and language and history and science, those things never gave back. I gave them a lot of time and effort, but everything they gave back was for my parents. What I give to music, I get back for myself." He finished his drink. "It's nice, you know? Getting something back."

Daehyun was sensing a theme, but didn't want to make his new friend too distressed, or that'd be the end of the friendship. "I get it. People could say you love the sound of your own voice, but that's not true. It's that you love your voice in combination with music. Something about certain notes and harmonies. It's like art. A painting can change the feeling of a room, effect people in ways they didn't realize."

Youngjae slowly nodded.

"Music is the same way. It kinda gets into your soul and changes you without you knowing, but you don't mind, because life is always better with music that without." Daehyun smiled faintly, looking at Youngjae for a response.

The kid - so he was a year younger, he was a kid - raised his eyes and met Daehyun's. They sat just staring for a few moments before Youngjae looked away first, again.

"Yeah. It changes you." He was almost mumbling, and Daehyun had to lean forward to hear what he was saying. "And I don't mind. I don't mind."

Daehyun wasn't sure he liked how this conversation was going.

Youngjae was now staring at his empty bottle, sitting very still and hardly blinking. "I'm here on a scholarship."

Daehyun wasn't surprised by that. "Good grades, that's something else we have in common."

"I was supposed to study business."

"Your dad--?"

"Yeah. But then I chose music. He didn't laugh at me or anything, but he's pretty sure I won't make it. 'Cause, you know, I'm the talentless child."

Oh. There it was. Parental disappointment. That could shut a person down indefinitely. Daehyun weighed his next words carefully, not wanting to either insult or scare Youngjae.

"What does your mom think?"

"She loves me."

"She supports you doing music?"

"She loves me."

Daehyun frowned. "She just goes along with what your dad says?"

"She loves me," Youngjae said with conviction and it was apparently all he'd say on the subject. "I want more of this."

Daehyun did a double take on Youngjae's condition. His eyes were slightly glassy, either from the alcohol or unshed tears, Daehyun wasn't sure, but maybe there'd been enough serious conversation for the day. More alcohol would just force it out. Nobody liked to tell their secrets without knowing they were.

He carefully detached Youngjae's hands from the bottle and moved it out of his reach. "I told you, we drink a little, we talk a little. You're moving ahead of the game."

Youngjae didn't reply, but his face looked troubled. "I'm going to the restroom."

"Okay," Daehyun replied, still smiling. "I'll pay."

Youngjae pushed himself to a standing position and meandered off to the restroom.

He was right, Youngjae was a lightweight.

\--

"My head feels like it's leaving my shoulders."

Daehyun smiled, tightening his grip on Youngjae's arm. "It's not."

"If it flies away into the clouds, how can I sing?"

"It's not going to fly away."

"I need to sing when I can't sleep."

Daehyun looked sideways at his mumbling companion. "Why can't you sleep?"

Youngjae kicked a stone and almost tripped. Daehyun hauled him upright again.

"Because I can't sing.

\--

"Junhong saw you with that shy kid earlier."

Daehyun sighed in Himchan's general direction. "Yeah?"

Himchan shrugged. "I thought you didn't like the small ones."

"Youngjae's different."

"Youngjae, huh?"

Daehyun glared at his friend. "If you invite him to the circle, I'll kill you."

"Relax," Himchan pat his shoulder. "I'll send Junhong."

Scowling, Daehyun brushed Himchan's hand off his shoulder. "I'll bring him, if you insist." Please don't insist.

"I insist."

Inwardly sighing this time, Daehyun nodded acquiescence, already worrying about what wrong questions they were going to ask. Youngjae had fallen asleep almost as soon as he'd settled him on his bed. His sleeping face was adorable too. No more distress, no more bitterness. He shouldn't have to deal with uncomfortable questions.

Himchan nudged him. "Are you coming tonight, or was your time with the shy kid enough for today?" He grinned.

Daehyun fought the urge to roll his eyes. "I…might be there."

"It's Friday, Daehyun. You never miss the party."

"Things have to change at some point."

Himchan put a hand back on his shoulder and looked him square in the eye with that face that scared most people. Daehyun wasn't most people, but he still didn't like that face. "You're not leaving the circle, are you?"

"No." Daehyun met Himchan's gaze without fear. "I'm just leaving time in my life for other people too."

Himchan stood up. "This Youngjae kid is people?" He walked away without waiting for an answer.

Daehyun watched him leave, feeling very uncomfortable at the the thought of Youngjae meeting the circle so soon. He could hold off until Monday, right? Spend the weekend with Youngjae and gain his trust before presenting him to the wolf pack.

"This Youngjae kid is people?" Himchan had left out the rest, that Daehyun barely considered him and the circle to be people. People worth hanging around.

"Yeah," Daehyun mumbled to himself. "Youngjae is people."


	2. not so bad is good, right?

Needless to say, Youngjae was both confused and scared when Daehyun showed up at his door Saturday morning demanding that he get dressed and come with him. Daehyun read it in his eyes as soon as he saw him, but he needed to make sure that he got to the kid before the circle.

Not that Junhong was all that intimidating. He was tall and lanky and decidedly not scary, but he did have a careless mouth that was apt to spout some unbelievable and unhelpful things and Daehyun wanted Youngjae to hear it all from him.

"All" being that for some reason Himchan was insistent on meeting him, that he was about to be inducted into the circle or otherwise scared out of his pants into leaving the university, and mostly that he, Daehyun, had utterly failed to protect him against this sort of thing. He really should have objected more strongly to to Himchan's insistence. He could have at least asked Yongguk to ask Himchan to reconsider. The circle's leader didn't listen to anyone, except sometimes Yongguk.

He could have asked at the party the previous night. Daehyun wasn't scared of Himchan, but he was certain of repercussions to his not attending what was considered to be almost sacred for those in the circle. Yongguk wasn't one for parties, but he dutifully showed up every Friday, drank a couple of beers, prevented Junhong from drinking anything and leaving first, with said lanky little brother in tow, complaining that it was too early.

Daehyun had envied them this time. He knew he couldn't slip out quite so soon, so he continued to listen to Jongup talk about his girlfriend, that he didn't have, but was planning on, and had been planning on asking out for a couple of months now. He responded encouragingly like he always did, because Jongup was the sort of person that you encouraged first, and told him the hard truth later, because he never got around to doing what you were encouraging him to do in the first place.

"You aren't drinking."

Daehyun swallowed his sigh at the arrival of Himchan and his two girlfriends. Why both girls deigned to date him at the same time, knowing that he was dating both of them at the same time, boggled his mind. But then, Himchan's entire existence was a mystery to him.

"Here," Himchan pressed a glass into Daehyun's reluctant hand. "To new friends?" And he tossed back whatever it was.

Not wanting to stir up the leader, Daehyun followed suit. It was gin. He hated gin.

"Is the kid still sleeping it off?" Himchan's smile was decidedly unnerving, though Daehyun wasn't scared just yet. Yet.

"I don't know. I was working on some stuff before I came here."

"You work too much."

"I enjoy it. It's not really work if you enjoy it."

Himchan leaned forward. "Did you enjoy your date?"

Daehyun scoffed. "It wasn't a date. I would take anyone there for the first date, and besides, he's a guy!"

"I've never seen you interested in any girls." Himchan was smiling again.

"I'm not interested in dating right now." Daehyun wasn't sure when his glass was refilled, but he tipped back the contents, even if it was gin. "If I was, it would be a girl."

"If you say so."

Daehyun forced himself not to scowl. "I do."

"Okay. Hey, relax, I'm just looking out for you. That's what the circle does, right? We look out for each other." Himchan stood up, smiling down at Daehyun, his face soft but his eyes cold. "We're watching the girls' volleyball tomorrow. You'll be there, right?"

"Yeah, sure."

"I'll send Junhong to let Youngjae know to join us."

Daehyun looked up quickly as Himchan turned and walked away.

"Where are we going?"

Daehyun came up out of his thoughts to see Youngjae standing in front of him, looking shy and adorable as always, in dark jeans and black and red letterman. He had his hands in his pockets and was still not looking anywhere in the vicinity of Daehyun's face.

"Do you like volleyball?"

"What?" Youngjae's head jerked upward in surprise, making Daehyun smile a little. "I don't really play sports. I mean, I'm not any good, so."

Daehyun nodded. "Well, we're only watching the girls play, so don't worry."

Youngjae frowned. "We?"

"Yeah," Daehyun smiled a little. "The circle. You're invited. Junhong was gonna come get you, but I thought you could use some time to get ready."

Youngjae's mouth opened and closed a few times. Daehyun quickly moved forward and put his hand on the younger's shoulder. "Hey, it'll be fine. Himchan just wants to see you. You're like, the least threatening person ever, so he'll find you uninteresting and then we can leave. Okay?"

"He…wants to see if I'm threatening?"

Daehyun noticed with slight alarm that Youngjae had started to tremble a little. He probably should have explained that better. Grabbing the other's arm, he pulled him along behind until they were out of the dorm building. The sun was already bright in the sky, with few clouds and just a crisp breeze. Daehyun guided the slightly dazed youth to a large tree and they sat together.

Youngjae's hands were still shaking a little. Without really thinking, Daehyun reached over and put his hand on top to still them. "Youngjae."

The younger one lifted his head a little to meet Daehyun's eyes for a couple of seconds. "Youngjae, do you know what the circle is?"

Youngjae just kept staring at their hands, still touching. "It's the popular ones, the ones people don't mess with, the ones all the girls fawn over and the loners steer clear of. The circle is invite only and once you're in, you can't leave."

Daehyun nodded, staring off into the distance. "Yeah, that's all true. You left out the bully control and hazing, though." He chuckled softly as Youngjae squirmed a little. "I'm not defending Himchan's actions, 'cause a lot of what that guy does is crazy, but circle is also a group of friends. We're there for each other, no matter what. You can have more friends, people who'll stick by you."

"If I play by their rules." Youngjae finally removed his hands from underneath Daehyun's.

Daehyun brought his hand back, letting his arms dangle over his knees. "True, but there's not too many rules. You're my friend, and that counts for something. You'll be left alone for the most part."

Once again, Youngjae brought his eyes up to meet Daehyun's in surprise. "We're friends?"

Laughing at the incredulity in Youngjae's face, Daehyun ruffled the other's hair affectionately. "I took you drinking. We're definitely officially friends."

Youngjae just sat in consternation. "I still feel like they're going to eat me."

"They're not going to eat you. Honestly, Himchan is really the only scary one and don't worry about him. I'll protect you. Promise." He stood up and held out his hand.

After a brief hesitation, Youngjae took it and let Daehyun pull him to his feet. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you want to protect me?"

Daehyun smiled. "Because you're people."

\--

It took great force of will for Daehyun to not just grab Youngjae's hand as they walked toward the volleyball courts. The kid looked like he was being led to his doom. Apparently he still felt like the circle was going to eat him and Daehyun wanted to smile in amusement and also hug him so tight he'd forget to be scared. Figuring that a sudden hug would probably just freak him out more, Daehyun settled for slinging an arm around Youngjae's shoulders as they neared their destination.

He could feel the younger's shoulders trembling even though his face was stoically blank. Daehyun was getting the distinct impression that Youngjae hated to show his emotions. So he didn't try and say something comforting. That would just make him feel embarrassed.

"Okay, so, you don't have to say anything you don't want to say. Just answer Himchan's questions. If they get too personal, just give me a look and I'll answer for you."

Youngjae looked sideways at him as they walked. "Will they get personal?"

Daehyun shrugged. "Maybe. Nobody knows Himchan's mind unless he tells you. He'll probably insinuate some things and Yongguk will tell him off and he'll just smile and it'll freak you out - don't feel bad, everybody's scared of that smile, except maybe Yongguk - and then we'll watch volleyball and you'll get to see Himchan's idiot girlfriends--"

"He has more than one girlfriend?" Youngjae's voice was purely surprised, without any shakiness to it.

Inwardly, Daehyun was congratulating himself. "Yeah. I don't know why they put up with it. Is Himchan really so desirable?"

"Yeah."

Daehyun took his turn to glace sideways. "What do you mean, 'yeah?'"

And Youngjae took his turn to shrug. "That's what most people think. Himchan is that desirable."

"Why?"

"Because," Youngjae stared straight ahead. "He's the one who can scare anyone with a look, with a smile. You don't cross him, because he'll just cross you back, and you'll definitely regret it. If he wants you, you can't say no."

Daehyun stopped and pulled Youngjae around so that they were facing each other, his hands on the younger's shoulders. "Is that why you're being so compliant about this? You think that if you don't go along with what I say, I'll cross you back?"

Youngjae looked at the ground. "I--, no, it's not you. Just Himchan."

"I said I'd protect you."

A slight smile brushed Youngjae's lips. With the morning sun on his hair and that smile, he looked positively gorgeous - what? - less small. "I believe you, I guess. But even you wouldn't cross Himchan, right?"

Daehyun dropped his hands. "I guess not." Maybe if I had something worth crossing him for. "Come on, we gotta get there on time."

Youngjae let Daehyun pull on his arm to make him start walking again. "You're always on time, aren't you?"

"Nothing good ever comes from being late."

A chuckle made Daehyun turn a little and see that the smile was back on Youngjae's face. He quickly looked away, not wanting to see it disappear, which it surely would once they reached the courts.

\--

Youngjae was squirming. He probably didn't even realize just how much, so Daehyun casually put his arm back around the kid's shoulders while they waited for Himchan to say something.

Jongup had already thrown out his greeting, which was really just an invitation to bask in the glory of his not-girlfriend and Daehyun had replied that he'd rather watch Jongup himself, it was far more amusing. And then Junhong comforted his pouting friend, ignoring the newcomers altogether. So Himchan hadn't actually sent Junhong to fetch Youngjae. Typical.

"So, Youngjae." Ah, here it came. "Who do you like?"

Daehyun didn't look at the kid, but slowly tilted his head in the direction of the court. Youngjae must have either understand Himchan or the head tilting because he at least answered the correct question.

"I, uh, don't really follow campus sports."

Himchan leaned forward a little. "But you like girls, right?"

Youngjae wrinkled his nose briefly. "Yeah, I mean, of course, I just, don't, um, follow them…"

"Well I certainly wouldn't peg you for a stalker."

Silence.

Himchan leaned back and turned his gaze toward the courts. Daehyun knew it wasn't over, though, and didn't remove his arm from Youngjae's shoulders. The younger didn't remove it either. Both of them were still on edge, though for different reasons. Youngjae was waiting to be eaten and Daehyun was waiting to protect him.

Though, maybe Himchan knew this, Daehyun considered, when the minutes stretched out and no further questions came. Maybe this was his game. He what Daehyun said the rules were, so he wasn't trying to break them. Maybe to catch him off guard. One never could tell with Himchan.

Daehyun looked behind Youngjae and beyond Himchan to where Yongguk had his nose in a book. Nobody would've pegged the oldest of the circle to be such a reader, but he was. Silent, book-loving and caring, he was the most like the mom of the group. He was mostly protective of his younger brother, Junhong, who was still in cahoots with Jongup and who knew what now.

It seemed that Yongguk felt Daehyun's gaze because he looked up. They stared at each other for a few seconds while the latter tried to convey his questions and worries through mere eye contact. He tilted his head toward first Himchan, then Youngjae, who was studiously watching the match. Yongguk nodded slowly, held his gaze a little longer, then shook his head before returning to his book.

Daehyun turned back to match, various feelings swarming through his mind. So yes, Himchan had more up his sleeve. He wasn't finished with Youngjae by a long shot. Daehyun knew he would have to be careful what he said and did for the next few days if he was going to be ensure that Youngjae's entrance to the circle went by without a hitch. Because the kid wasn't getting out now, even if he wanted to.

It was like he said. Once you're invited, you can't say no. Nobody said no to Himchan. And Daehyun wasn't going to be the first.

A hand nudging his knee. Surprised, he finally looked at Youngjae, who was sort of not look in his direction. "What?" Daehyun asked softly.

The younger's hand stilled. "What happens now?"

Daehyun couldn't help it. Youngjae sounded so small. He pulled him closer and rubbed a hand up and down his arm. "We can leave soon. After Yongguk."

"He doesn't stay?"

"Not usually. Mostly of us don't even know why he's in the circle, though we're all glad he's here. He's the only one who can check Himchan."

At the mention of the circle leader's name, Youngjae stiffened, hands starting to fidget again. Slightly smiling, Daehyun brought his arm back from laying around Youngjae's shoulders and instead reached over to still the quivering hands. Almost immediately, the younger's hands did still, but he didn't remove them. So they sat like that for the next few minutes until a rustling noise behind them announced Yongguk's departure.

Himchan finally took notice of Youngjae again and Daehyun squeezed his hands in support. "You're studying music?"

Youngjae nodded wordlessly.

"Daehyun wants you to study with him?"

Nodded.

"Did he invite you?"

A pause, then Youngjae slowly shook his head. This seemed to please Himchan, who smiled a not terribly menacing smile, but unnerving nonetheless. "Good. Well, you can go. Jongup!"

Jongup looked up from the video he was watching on his phone.

"They're leaving. Take Junhong with you." Then Himchan turned back to the match.

Daehyun wanted to slump over in relief. It had been a whole lot better than he'd been expecting. But now what? Jongup and Junhong had stood up and walked over.

Junhong, though taller, was shyer and younger, so he sort of hid behind Jongup, who did the talking. "Come on." He pulled on Daehyun's arm. Daehyun pulled on Youngjae's arm and they all walked away until they were out of Himchan's earshot. "We're supposed to get to know Youngjae, but whatever. Just text us some stuff we can use when he questions us later, yeah? See ya!

And just like that the two youngest sprinted off to do whatever it was they had planned, leaving Youngjae staring after. Daehyun put a hand on his shoulder, bringing his attention back.

"See, I told you he wasn't going to eat you."

Youngjae's face made it abundantly clear that eating or no, he was still rather shaken up and Daehyun decided they should go find some place to sit down.

\--

They had been sitting in silence for a few minutes while Youngjae collected himself, or calmed down, or whatever he needed, Daehyun being content to just watch over him, when he finally spoke.

"Why are we in your room?"

Daehyun suppressed a smile. Practically everything this kid said made him smile. "I figured you'd like to be in a safe place."

"I could've just gone back to my room."

"But then there was no assurance that you would invite me in, and I'd have to go the whole rest of the day wondering if you were alright. If we're here, then I can make sure before sending you off."

Youngjae looked at him with that half-curious, half-confused expression that seemed to be almost permanently stamped onto his face as long as he was with Daehyun. "Why do you need to be sure I'm alright?"

Daehyun frowned at him. "Youngjae. I told you. We're friends. Friends don't send away friends when they're all shook up. Friends take care each other."

"That's what you're doing?"

"That's what I'm doing." The smile returned.

Youngjae continued to look cur-fused. "Oh."

Daehyun had to laugh. It was just too adorable, the slight pout of Youngjae's lips and his ever fidgety hands. "Youngjae?"

"Yeah?"

"You can relax now."

Youngjae stared at his hands, maybe willing them to stop moving. Daehyun reached over and he pulled away, almost smiling. "No, no! I don't know what that means!"

Daehyun leaned back against the couch and stuck his hands in his jacket pockets. "What does what mean?"

Youngjae sort of gestured a hand-covering motion and went back to staring at his hands. "You…touching my hands. You keep doing that."

"Oh." Daehyun didn't bother to keep down the smile at this point. "Does it make you uncomfortable?"

"N-no, I guess not. I just…do friends do that?"

Daehyun shrugged. "I don't know. I do that. Jongup and Junhong are pretty touchy, but they're weird kids, so it's hard to count them as normal. I just tend to do what feels right. You looked like you needed something and so I did that."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

Youngjae looked up and - to his surprise - stared straight into Daehyun's eyes for a few seconds. He smiled just a little. "I guess you mean that."

Daehyun was feeling slightly confused. "I don't say things I don't mean."

"I'm understanding that," Youngjae gave out a chuckle sounding thing. Daehyun decided to count it as a laugh.

"Should I not do it anymore?"

Youngjae shook his head and shrugged his shoulders at the same time, making a lop-sided smile and making Daehyun smile too. "You're pretty good at reading people, huh? I never know how to make myself stop shaking. I don't mean to do it, it just happens and then I want to run away. But you make it stop, so, don't stop." He took a breath.

It was a lot of words, the most Daehyun had heard him say at one time. He felt vaguely proud of the kid.

"Youngjae?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you ever going to say my name?"

Youngjae blinked. "I thought I was supposed to call you hyung?"

Daehyun smile-sighed. "Okay, we can start with that."

\--

"Here," Daehyun dangled a mug in front of Youngjae's face. "It's tea, good tea."

"Not coffee?" Youngjae accepted the mug with a frown.

Daehyun smiled. "I like coffee too, but tea has a certain calming comfort that coffee doesn't. And just try it, you might like it. It's chocolate tea."

Youngjae looked at him, skepticism written all over his face. "Chocolate tea? Really?"

Nodding, Daehyun sat on the floor with his back against the couch, cradling his own mug. "It's actually called Assam. It's an Indian tea. Sure, it's not really chocolate, but there's a distinct chocolate-like aftertaste and it smells heavenly. Just try it, Youngjae."

He listened and sipped at his own tea to the sounds of Youngjae sniffing and finally tasting. "Well?"

"It's okay."

Daehyun smiled into his tea.

"What are we going to do now?"

"I was thinking we could continue where we left off last time," Daehyun looked diagonally upwards at Youngjae. "Getting to know each other?"

The kid nodded. "Okay, but can you come back up here? It's weird looking down at you."

"You come down here." Daehyun grinned.

Youngjae pouted, making Daehyun almost choke on his tea. "But it's comfy up here."

"Oh, fine." Daehyun got up and sat down again next to Youngjae, who had stopped pouting. "Should I go first again?"

Youngjae nodded. "But say more stuff. I said everything last time."

Daehyun was beginning to realize that he was just going to be perpetually smiling with Youngjae around.

"Got it. So let's see, my dad has a bookstore, well, a lot of them, actually. My mom's a music teacher. She makes the birds stop to listen when she sings, or when she and my dad sing together. They met when they both played orchestra. My mom is a cellist and my dad plays violin. It was like destiny."

Youngjae was smiling.

"I guess it was kind of like destiny that I would study music, too. I'm an only child. I was popular in high school, don't look at me like that, I never did anything to be popular. I got good grades and was always into music. I've never even had a girlfriend. When I got here, Himchan invited me to the circle. It was like ready-made friends, so I accepted. But I never thought I belonged, though it's a little late for that now."

Youngjae was still smiling, sipping at his tea quietly.

"My favorite color is deep blue. Not like ocean blue, but more like the sky after a storm, when it's slowly turning to night and the first stars are appearing. Aw, come on, Youngjae, my mom used to say that, not me. It was her favorite color too."

Youngjae was openly grinning. "It sounds like your mom was your best friend."

"She is," Daehyun confessed. "I never had any best friends my own age. Even here, I've got the circle, and the circle has my back, but there's nobody I'm really close to."

"Me either." Youngjae was staring intently at his empty mug. "But you probably guessed that."

Daehyun stood up to take Youngjae's mug and went to refill it. "Well, it was kinda obvious. It's like you've got LONER stamped across your forehead. But you do that on purpose, don't you?" He turned around to see Youngjae not smiling anymore. He felt a strange sense of loss.

"I've just never found anybody that genuinely wanted to be my friend, or just to hang out or study. I am a loner, and people steer clear of loners. You do too. I noticed." He accepted his mug back.

Daehyun sat again, watching Youngjae. "Yeah, I do, but you were different."

Youngjae was doing that not-looking-at-him thing again. "I made you curious."

Daehyun chuckled. "Well, yeah, 'cause you were real."

"What?" Youngjae looked up, surprise in his eyes.

"There are plenty of loners on this campus who are real, I'm sure. I wouldn't know, since they don't interact with people. There's also plenty of fake loners, who do interact and get people to feel sorry for them. I don't like them. They're leeches, not worth anybody's time. But then I met you, and you were real, and it made me curious."

"Is that why you searched me out? You wanted to know what a real loner was like?"

Daehyun shrugged. "I don't know why I searched you out until I tapped you on the shoulder. But whatever it was, I'm glad I did. It's nice to talk to someone who actually understand me."

"I'm, uh, glad you did, too," Youngjae mumbled into his tea. "You understand me too. It's nice."

Daehyun grinned. Again. "Hey, Youngjae?"

"Yeah?"

"You still haven't called me hyung."


	3. scary for me is scary for you, too

Youngjae noticed Daehyun's phone buzzing away in his pocket first.

Daehyun looked at the caller ID; it was Jongup.

"Yeah?"

"Himchan wants to go out tonight."

Daehyun crinkled his forehead. "What?"

"Look, I know you wanted to have a quiet evening in with your new boyfriend--"

"Jongup," Daehyun growled.

"Kidding! But you can't miss this, man, even if you don't bring the kid. Junhong is bring his buddies."

"We're having an introduction already?"

"Not the formal kind, just a, you know, welcome to the party and so forth. Youngjae will be perfectly safe, so long as you're watching him."

"What happens if I don't bring him?"

"Daehyun, don't be stupid. The KIDS are coming, doesn't that mean something?"

Yeah, it meant something. And he was grateful to Jongup for having warned him before the invitations were sent out. And he was also angry at Himchan for pushing him this far, but Youngjae was right, he wasn't ready to cross the leader.

"So, the Matrix, at eight, normal dress code. Don't freak out, Dae, and don't do anything stupid."

The call disconnected. Daehyun stared at his phone for a few seconds, calming himself before looking up to see Youngjae with an expression of both discomfort and resignation. He wasn't quite sure how to explain the current circumstance to the younger.

"So, where are we going?"

Daehyun was mentally slapping himself. How could he get Youngjae mixed up in this? He should've just left the kid alone. Even Jongup, who seemed weird and out of place amongst the more serious, tougher members of the circle, knew how to handle himself. Whatever Youngjae thought he was getting into, the kid had no real inkling of what the circle was really like on the inside.

"Daehyun."

Youngjae's voice brought him out of his thoughts with a jolt of surprise. He felt a small smile creep across his face.

"Hey, you said my name."

\--

Youngjae wasn't too happy, judging by the look on his face. "Why can't I wear what I'm wearing?"

Daehyun was back to suppressing smiles. "I just said to switch out your jacket for something less casual. The rest of you is fine."

"Gee, thanks."

Youngjae's almost pout and slight sarcasm almost made Daehyun burst out into laughter, but he held it in, not wanted to upset his friend further. "Do you have a leather jacket?"

"No."

Daehyun hummed a little under his breath as he went through his closet. "How about this?" He held up a dark green leather jacket. "Should fit you."

Youngjae was still frowning. "Isn't it weird to wear your clothes?"

Daehyun couldn't help rolling his eyes. "It's just a jacket, Youngjae, honestly. And you've got all day to make up your mind. Are you good now?"

"Huh?"

"Are you okay?"

Youngjae's frown slowly slipped off his face. "Y-yeah, I guess. You didn't seem too happy though, from the phonecall.

Running a hand through his hair, Daehyun let himself fall back onto the couch. Youngjae followed suit, his face a lot calmer and more open. "I just…I didn't really think about repercussions when I tapped you on the shoulder. It's only been a couple of days, but so much has happened. I'm sorry."

Youngjae smiled. "Didn't we already decide we were happy that you tapped me on the shoulder?"

"Well, yeah, but--"

"Don't sweat it. You've got my back, right?"

Daehyun marveled at just how well the kid was taking all these strange events, though it might just be a cover for how he really felt. Still, Daehyun felt reassured and pat Youngjae's a couple of times.

"Of course I do." He meant a lot more, but wasn't sure how to fit it all into words, but Youngjae was looking at him in an understanding way, so maybe he didn't need to. "You sure you don't regret getting mixed up with me?"

Youngjae actually laughed at that. His laugh was giggly and joyful and Daehyun liked it. "No. Nothing's happened to me except I've got a very protective friend, so there's nothing to regret. Yet."

Daehyun couldn't help laugh with him. This kid was a wonder.

\--

The Matrix wasn't a big club, nor was it noisy or dirty or everything Daehyun hated about clubs. It was privately owned, easily rented out, especially since Himchan knew the owner. The guy was actually a decent person and Daehyun used to wonder how decent people got mixed up with Himchan and the circle, but then he just ended up looking at himself.

The entire building had a warm feel about it, with the dark, wooden furnishings and abstract murals. It was all separate rooms, a club specifically for private parties, which suited the circle's needs perfectly. Even Yongguk seemed to relax there.

Daehyun had only been to the Matrix once this year, a welcome back type of gathering, and it had been just like he'd remembered. Warm, relaxing and capable of creating blurry memories that you could never quite find afterward. But it didn't matter. Nothing important ever happened at the Matrix. It was where everything unimportant happened.

\--

"They're looking at me."

Daehyun chuckled. "Blame it on the jacket."

Youngjae gave him a withering glance. "They're not looking at my jacket - your jacket. They're looking at me like they don't know why I'm here."

"They don't know why you're here."

"Didn't you say other new people were gonna be here?"

"I did."

"So why are they just looking at me?"

Daehyun stopped walking and put a hand on Youngjae's arm. "Hey, so they're looking at you. Let them look. It's not like they can read into your soul. The majority of this lot is fairly dense when it comes to reading people. They're gonna look all they want, but it's not gonna do anything."

Youngjae fidgeted slightly. "I don't like it when people stare at me."

"Just pretend they're staring at me. I'm pretty handsome." Daehyun winked.

"Really?" Youngjae seemed unimpressed.

"Really." Daehyun nodded solemnly.

Youngjae sighed. "You're so confusing."

That took Daehyun aback a little. He was confusing? "You're surprising," he countered.

Youngjae didn't answer, just looked at him.

"Okay, whatever. Come on, let's find a drink and you," Daehyun looked Youngjae right in the eye, "are going to pretend to drink, not actually drink."

"Why?"

"Because you're a lightweight, that's why."

"I meant, why do I have to pretend to drink?"

"The only people who don't have to drink are Junhong and his friends. Yongguk doesn't allow Junhong to drink and his friends don't have to by association. They will, though, and they'll be carried out later and it'll all be very sad and ridiculous." Daehyun was weaving Youngjae around people as he spoke.

"But I want to drink."

Daehyun stopped once more and looked back at Youngjae. "No."

And Youngjae pouted a little, but didn't argue.

\--

"Isn't it hypocritical for you to drink after forbidding me to?"

Daehyun watched people mingle and talk about stupid things like girlfriends and sports. He set his beer down on a table and didn't take his eyes off of Himchan on the far side of the room. "No."

Youngjae huffed a little beside him.

Daehyun caught Himchan's eye finally. The leader winked at him before turning back to his conversation. Sighing internally, he roused himself and turned to Youngjae, who was watching him with a less than contented expression.

"What?"

"Every other time I worried and it turned out fine, but here I am not worrying so you don't get all concerned about me 'cause I'm not a baby, sheesh, but I still have the feeling that something could easily go wrong here, and I wish you'd tell me what you're thinking so I could make up my mind whether to be worried or not."

Daehyun blinked, feeling a bit stunned by the sudden barrage of words. It was the second time that he'd been surprised by so many words coming out of the kids' mouth and decided that he should just stop looking at Youngjae as a small person and more like a regular person.

"Well?"

Daehyun blinked again, finding the words he wanted to say. "It…probably wouldn't hurt to be on your guard. You don't have to worry. It's a friendly gathering. It's a friendly gathering of not the friendliest people, I know, but the worst that'll happen is someone might try to kiss you."

Youngjae didn't seem much appeased.

They'd been there barely twenty minutes and Daehyun was already getting a headache. He blamed it on Himchan's entire existence. "Youngjae."

"Yes?"

"Let's go talk to some people."

Youngjae didn't seem very happy about that idea, but Daehyun grabbed his beer in one hand and the kid's arm with the other, practically dragging him along. "Jongup!"

Jongup turned and waved, grinning his usual grin. Junhong was him, as per usual, as well as a couple other guys. They had been talking animatedly, but paused as Daehyun and Youngjae showed up.

"We're talking anime. But you don't watch anime, right? You need to learn what's good in life, Dae, honestly." Jongup's voice a little hyper, as per usual when he drank. "Anyway, these are Junhong's new buds."

"They're not that new, I just didn't let Himchan know…for a while," Junhong trailed off, his shy words somewhat at odds with his tall stature.

"I know that," Jongup assured him. "This is Jooheon and quieter one is Changkyun. You'd think Junhong could manage to find someone who was closer to his size, but he seems to like us shorties."

Junhong frowned. "What does height have to do with anything?"

Daehyun laughed, slightly surprised when it came out higher-pitched than he expected. "Exactly, Jongup, what does height have to do with anything? Aren't you glad he likes shorties?"

Jongup joined in the laughter, as did Junhong and his friends. Youngjae was quiet, but Daehyun thought he caught the kid smiling.

"Yeah, I guess. How are you managing, Youngjae? I see Daehyun isn't letting you drink. It's smart, though I don't know why you're drinking, Dae. Shouldn't you abstain so as to best look out for the kid?"

Youngjae looked at him briefly, then turned to Jongup. "I'm only a year younger than Daehyun."

Jongup smiled. "Well, so am I, but Daehyun calls me kid anyway. I think we're all kids to this guy. Something about him being way more mature or something. And if we're kids, you guys must be babies, huh?" He directed the last bit towards the other three, who had sort of drifted off into their own conversation again. "Oh, whatever." He shook his head and turned back towards Daehyun and Youngjae, expression immediately turning sour.

"Dae, are you okay?"

Daehyun wasn't sure what was going on. His headache wasn't just because he was dreading conversing with Himchan anymore. It was more like someone was forcefully banging on his skull from the inside. The air felt rather stuffy and he was oddly aware of a shadowy edge to his vision.

Youngjae was looking at him in definite concern and worry that was mirrored on Jongup's face as well. The latter grabbed Daehyun's beer away and sniffed at the bottle, nose and forehead wrinkling. "Couldn't you tell this tasted sweeter than it should? Were you really so preoccupied? Honestly, Dae, you're supposed to be taking care of this kid, not the other way around!"

The "kid" was looking increasingly more freaked out with every word that left Jongup's mouth. "What's wrong with him?"

Jongup didn't even look at Youngjae as he slipped an arm under Daehyun's. "Grab his other arm, would you? We've got to sit him down, no, Dae! Great."

Daehyun heard many mumbled sounds and tried to focus on Youngjae's face, but the dark edges of his vision were quickly becoming more than edges. As he felt his senses leaving him, he tried to tell Youngjae he was sorry, but there was nothing left, just a heavy silence and heavy darkness.

\--~*~--

Youngjae had seen drunk people before. He'd seen angry drunks, silly drunks, and passed out drunks. His dad used to get drunk sometimes. He sang obnoxiously loud until he fell asleep and Youngjae would bury his head under his pillows to block out the noise. At least he wasn't a bad drunk, just an annoying one.

His brothers would go drinking sometimes and come back with feet that stomped everywhere. For some reason, this went unnoticed by his parents, or else they just didn't notice on purpose. Youngjae always knew that their talents and looks far outweighed anything else, so they could occasionally be careless and be forgiven.

That was why Youngjae never had an interest in drinking. He didn't want to risk being even more of a disappointment, the youngest who would never amount to anything. All the talent had been given away already and all he could do was drink. Youngjae had everything to prove, though he felt that no matter how much he proved himself, nothing would really change.

And what did alcohol help anything? Except when Daehyun had taken him out. That had felt good, or sort of anyway. It hadn't felt so good when he woke up. Youngjae felt the weight of Daehyun on his shoulders and wondered how he would feel when he woke up. That thought brought him straight back to reality and the fact that Daehyun was leaving on his shoulders, instead of the other way around it.

Youngjae felt a little disappointed, but mostly he felt panicky, because from the looks on Daehyun's friends' faces, this was not a normal thing.

Jongup had slung Daehyun's other arm around his shoulders and was barking orders to Junhong about fetching Yongguk and Jooheon and Changkyun were shifting uneasily back and forth.

"Look, if you're not going to be helpful, could you get out of the way?" Jongup's tone wasn't rude, just brisk and businesslike. It surprised Youngjae, since all he'd really seen of the guy was him being a lot less mature. Well, maybe not less mature, just less serious. Yeah, less serious, that made sense.

Junhong's two friends mumbled something about wanting to help, but Youngjae wasn't paying enough attention to hear it all. His mind was scrambling around, trying to process everything that had happened in the last few minutes. His best friend had - Youngjae barely registered that he already considered Daehyun to be his best friend - since he met him, seemed to be so strong, so completely in charge of his surroundings. Sure, Himchan might have something over him, but it was small and inconsequential next to Daehyun's incredible sureness and calm composure.

Speaking of, the circle's leader caught his eye from across the room and, so quickly that Youngjae wasn't sure it happened, winked and disappeared back into the crowd. It was so very unsettling to have someone who was apparently out to get him. What did Himchan have against him? What had he done? Youngjae almost didn't want to know.

Jongup interrupted his thoughts as he took a step forward. Youngjae moved automatically, the both of them dragging Daehyun past people who absolutely didn't care. Junhong's friends decided to be helpful and got the uncaring people to at least move out of the way. Outside the party room was a small lounge area with a couple couches and chairs. Jongup headed straight for a couch and Youngjae helped him lay Daehyun down on it.

His friend's face didn't seem flushed or pale or disturbed, which made Youngjae feel just a little bit better. Daehyun was still unconscious, but he looked more like he was sleeping and though his heart was still beating faster than normal, Youngjae didn't feel the same amount of panic.

It helped that Yongguk showed up a minute later, with Junhong and crew in tow. The big man - to Youngjae he seemed big, even though he was regular-sized, if a little tall - knelt down beside the couch to feel Daehyun's forehead and check his pulse. Yongguk nodded a couple of times to whatever Jongup was murmuring to him, while the young ones stood around with uncomfortable expressions.

Youngjae felt like time was a lot slower than usual, but all of a sudden Yongguk stood and lifted Daehyun into his arms. Unconscious and carried like that, Daehyun seemed a lot smaller than normal, making Youngjae feel bigger than normal too. Jongup had disappeared, and as Yongguk made his way through the building, Youngjae followed. When he reached the door, it opened for him. Jongup's face appeared from behind it and there was a taxi at the curb.

Yongguk placed Daehyun in the cab with Jongup's help, then beckoned Youngjae forward. "You go with him. We'll follow and met you at the campus." Then the big man walked away. Youngjae slid into the backseat, hating the way Daehyun was slumped against the window. The car door shut and Youngjae turned to see Jongup telling the driver where to go.

Jongup's face was tense, but not worried, and Youngjae willed himself not to worry too.

"Don't worry, kid. Himchan is a psycho, but he doesn't use heavy stuff. Daehyun will be fine."

Youngjae's face must've been a little too skeptical.

"Hey, listen. I know this must all be pretty scary for you and you probably think the circle is a bunch of bullies. I admit it, there's plenty of bullies, but some of us are quite decent folk, especially Daehyun. And you can trust Yongguk and Junhong and his friends, too, since Yongguk hasn't chased them away. I don't know why Himchan has taken a disliking to you, but as long as Daehyun's got your back, you'll be fine."

Youngjae looked to his left at Daehyun's still form, knots twisting in his stomach. A hand on his shoulder caused him to look back at Jongup.

"Since Daehyun isn't able to have your back, we've got it. And if ever Daehyun is unable to have your back at any point in the future, we'll have it then too. Okay?"

Only one thought came to Youngjae's mind. The same thought he'd struggled with since first meeting Daehyun. "Why?"

Jongup tilted his head to the side a little. "I don't know, exactly, except that whatever Daehyun does, he does for a good reason. You must be worth his time, and so you're worth our time too. Plus, Yongguk loves to be a protector and is impossible to fool, so even if we're all incapacitated, there'll be somebody to look after you."

Youngjae processed those words.

"And," Jongup nudged him, voice getting a little more serious, "don't even bother thinking that you're not worth protecting, or that we think you're less of a person just because you're not good at standing up for yourself. Junhong claims he's an adult, but he still needs his brother and me to look after him sometimes.

"Heck, I can be an adult most of the time, but it's nice to know that Daehyun's got my back when I'm being stupid. Besides the boring bullies and our psycho leader, the majority of the circle is really just a group of people who have each other's backs. Sometimes protecting turns into attacking, 'cause plenty of 'em are idiots, but the intentions are good, mostly.

"Daehyun's a good one who stands by the good ones, so I guess you're a good one. And you'll learn. You'll learn to stand on your own two feet. But in the meantime," and here Jongup looked at Youngjae meaningfully.

"You have my back," he finished dutifully.

Jongup grinned. "Yep."

\--

By the time the taxi pulled up at the entrance to the university, Youngjae had transferred Daehyun's head from resting against the window to his shoulder. It really wasn't that long of a ride, maybe seven minutes tops, but Youngjae felt safer with the weight of his friend beside him, their shared boy heat making him warm. Neither him nor Jongup had said anything beyond the initial reassurance, but it wasn't uncomfortable. As a natural loner, Youngjae was good friends with silence.

After passing a few bills to the driver, Jongup opened the door and got out, motioning for Youngjae to stay. He did so, listening to the very different voices belonging to Yongguk and Junhong. After a minute, the door on Daehyun's side opened and Yongguk bent down with arms outstretched. Youngjae helped him get Daehyun into his arms again, then also exited the taxi.

He decided to not look at his friend hanging limp in Yongguk's arms; it was too alarming, even if he knew it would all be okay. And he had to believe it would all be okay, because everyone was saying it would be, because Daehyun was too strong and would bounce back in no time.

An arm around his shoulders startled him, but when Jongup smiled reassuringly, he relaxed. He'd only met Jongup just that morning, but something about him made Youngjae feel like he could trust him. Plus, Daehyun trusted him, and Youngjae trusted Daehyun.

There was no one around to ask about the interesting procession across campus. Yongguk went first, the Jongup with his arm still around Youngjae, and Junhong and his friends following until Yongguk spoke up without turning around and told him to go to bed. Youngjae marveled at how Junhong pouted, but did as he was told, taking his friends with him.

"Yongguk is very protective of his brother, and his brother's friends and his friends by extension. He takes care of all of us," Jongup whispered to Youngjae before scampering forward to open the door of the dorm building for Yongguk.

Youngjae didn’t really have a chance to answer. It was a good thing that Daehyun lived on the first floor of the the building. Although he was awed by Yongguk's strength, he was quite certain carrying someone up a couple flights of stairs was a lot harder than just walking on level ground.

Jongup opened the door of Daehyun's room also, and Yongguk walked through, laying Daehyun down on his bed. The older left immediately afterwards, "to get some medicine for when he wakes up," Jongup informed him. Youngjae stood by the beside and looked down at Daehyun's sleeping face. It was still calm and untroubled, which gave him a certain measure of relief.

The next few minutes had him helping Jongup take Daehyun's shoes and jacket off, and pull his blankets out and over him. Yongguk reappeared and gave Jongup a package before quietly saying goodnight and leaving for real. It was very quiet in the room and Youngjae realized that he was just standing still, staring at Daehyun.

"Youngjae," Jongup said softly. "Why don't you go back to your room? You can come and check if he's all right in the morning."

Youngjae frowned. "What if he wakes up before then?"

Jongup smiled. "I'm gonna stay. I know his habits and everything, it's better, so no protesting. Plus, you look like you could use some sleep." He put a hand on Youngjae's arm and ushered him out the door. "Go get some sleep, Youngjae. And don't worry."

Youngjae let himself be half-pushed out of the room and tried to return Jongup's smile. He trudged towards the staircase and climbed those couple of flights to his floor, down the hall and to his own room. Almost everyone in the dorm had a roommate, or even two, so he found it rather odd that both he and Daehyun had none.

He appreciated that fact so much more tonight, since he had nothing in him to face any questions, nor did he want to have to be careful about being quiet or not. Youngjae moved through his bedtime preparations like he was half-asleep already. When he finally fell into bed, he thought he'd be too worried, too bothered to fall asleep. His mind had been racing since Jongup first asked if Daehyun was okay to when he rubbed his face with a towel after washing almost as if to rub away the bad feelings.

Maybe all the fear and worrying he'd already done had taken a larger toll that he'd originally thought, because as soon as he'd turned off the light, his mind also turned off, letting him fall into a dreamless sleep.


	4. I said I was going to protect you

Daehyun remembers the first time he got drunk.

\--

It was at a party at a friend of a friend who wasn't really a friend in the first place, but even people who weren't friends of any of the friends of the hosts showed up and nobody cared. It was a "survived high school" party, a sort of last hurrah and "farewell ye kind friends that I'll probably never see again and not really care" type of party.

Basically, the boys came for the girls, the girls came for the boys, and everybody came for the alcohol. Daehyun came because he was a popular kid, and it was bad luck to leave without a sloppy, drunken goodbye, apparently.

He'd had no intention of getting drunk. He'd had no intention of losing one of his shoes. He'd definitely had no intention of getting the numbers of six girls he'd never call, because who the heck were they and he had no way of seeing them after this anyway. But, parties can be unpredictable things, or, predictable in their unpredictability, so by the time he managed to call him mom to come pick him up, with his head hurting and one of his shoes lost, Daehyun decided he never wanted to be drunk again.

His mom had taken it rather well, considering. Daehyun got his scolding after a shower and a night's sleep, with some good soup and several glasses of water. He promised that he wasn't going to drink again, and his mom had laughed and told him to revise that - of course he would. Daehyun thought about it a bit more, and revised his promise accordingly - he was never going to get drunk like that again.

Some promises are easier to break than you think.

\--

When his brain finally told him that he was awake, Daehyun was only truly aware of one thing: his head hurt. Like, really, really hurt.

Not a skull-bashing, Thor's hammer sending him into oblivion kind of pain. It was a pain from the inside out, like his brains were not asking, but knocking on the door very forcefully as if to say, "let me out!" And he really wished they could be a little quieter, stop screaming, you hurt enough already, but then he was just talking to himself and just thinking was a chore.

He wasn't fully aware of himself yet, didn't know if he was moving or able to move, or if his mouth worked, and if so, could he really get any sounds out? But between his ugly attempts to think quietly and slowly, something must have happened outside of his head because was suddenly alerted to the surface below him sinking down.

Daehyun tried to reason it out with himself. He was likely on a bed, either in his own room or one of his friends', the bed sunk down because someone else sat on it, someone was with him…someone…Youngjae?

Youngjae. Daehyun had to check himself from thinking too frantically about the kid - it hurt - and instead decided to try and open his eyes. There was a hand on his forehead now; it smoothed back his hair and pressed against his cheek for a moment.

"Dae, you awake?"

Daehyun processed that voice for several moments whilst the hand continued to stroke his hair. It reminded him of his mom, how she would always do that when he was sick. Youngjae's voice didn't sound like that voice, and only Jongup knew what Daehyun's mom did when he was sick, because he did for his friend when he was sick. So, the person with him was not Youngjae.

Then the bed un-sunk as the hands left him and Daehyun missed them, but since he wasn't distracted by comforting familiarity, he went back to trying to open his eyes. It was more of a struggle than he thought it'd be, getting the muscles in his eyelids to cooperate, but by the time Jongup returned, he had managed to pry them open. His friend's face came into view, followed by hands holding a cloth and the bed sunk down again.

"Hey, you're awake." Jongup's voice was, thankfully, soft but cheery, and Daehyun appreciated the fact that it did not grate against his ears or make his brains knock harder.

"How much does it hurt?" Still speaking softly, Jongup used the cloth to wipe down Daehyun's face and neck, the damp coolness relieving just a little of his headache.

Struggling again, Daehyun somehow got his mouth to open and "a lot," came out in a croaky whisper.

Jongup smiled sympathetically. "Yongguk left some meds for you, but you have to eat something with them. Are you hungry?"

Daehyun almost nodded before realizing how bad of an idea that was. "Yeah," he whispered again, wondering briefly why he couldn't even talk properly.

"Okay." Jongup stood and walked out of his line of sight, leaving Daehyun missing him, again. It was silly, he knew that, but he just felt so miserable. The meds would help, though, he knew that. Yongguk had a cure for every kind of hangover any of them had ever had.

Though, was this really a hangover? He didn't remember drinking that much. What exactly had happened last night? This line of thinking brought him straight back to Youngjae. Nothing had happened to him right? Jongup and the others had made sure he was okay, right? Too many questions made him dizzy, so he closed his eyes for a second to settle this thoughts.

It seemed to be a longest second later when Jongup was - very gently - shaking his shoulder. "Hey, don't go back to sleep on me yet. You gotta get these and some food down, yeah?"

Daehyun forced his eyes to open again. He tried to help Jongup help him lift his head up, but it was really his friend doing all the work. Man, he was useless. He opened his mouth for the pills and again for the water. It took more effort to swallow than he liked. "It's not usually like this," he croaked out again.

"You weren't drunk," Jongup said plainly, stirring the bowl of soup he was holding.

Daehyun opened his mouth again to receive the spoonful, not thinking about being embarrassed that he hadn't even the strength to feed himself. He swallowed; this time it was easier, and the soup was warm against his throat.

"You barely had half a beer. Himchan drugged you," Jongup continued, holding another spoonful to Daehyun's lips.

They continued until the bowl was empty without exchanging any more words. Daehyun didn't really need to say anything, well, maybe just one thing. "Youngjae?"

Jongup smiled again. "Knew you'd ask about the kid. He's fine. He probably would've stayed with you, but I sent him to bed. I'll tell him you woke up and that you're okay, and he can come see you later, after you get some more sleep." He glanced meaningfully at Daehyun once more before getting up and taking the empty bowl out with him.

Part of Daehyun wanted to protest, but most of him knew Jongup knew exactly what he was talking about, as usual. It was easy to be fooled; Jongup often sounded like he never actually knew what he was talking about, but he did, whether he was being playful or serious.

Already, his eyes were clouding over. Daehyun wished he had more energy, he wished he had more fight, but then there was a cool hand on his head again, and he let the darkness win.

\--

When Daehyun opened his eyes again, someone was sitting on the floor with their back against the side of his bed. His hair was dark, too dark to be Jongup's, plus, Jongup wouldn't sit on the floor. Daehyun smiled a little.

Swallowing in an effort to make his voice come out stronger than earlier, Daehyun turned his head sideways. "Hey." It came out huskier than he wanted, but it was still better than before.

Youngjae quickly turned around, setting down the book he had been reading. "Hey. How are you feeling?"

Daehyun smiled again, just happy to see that Youngjae really was okay. "A whole lot better than this morning. This morning? What time is it?" The more he talked, the stronger his voice became. His headache was noticeably less, though still there in the form of an annoying ache behind his eyes. He moved his elbows so that he could sit up.

Youngjae got up so he could put one arm around his shoulders, helping him to sit upright against the headboard before taking a spot on the mattress, facing him. "Yongguk-hyung checked on you earlier. He said, well, Jongup-hyung said he said that you'll be fine and to not worry and there's some painkillers here if your headache is still bad. Is it still bad?"

The younger's stilted words came tumbling out in the cutest way, making Daehyun want to laugh. He raised a hand and pat him on the head a couple of times. Youngjae pouted, just a tiniest, little bit, but even that made Daehyun feel worlds better.

"It's okay. But I'll still take them. I'd like to move around a bit while there's still daylight."

Youngjae frowned, but got up to fetch the pills and a glass of water. When he returned, Daehyun was very grateful he now had the strength to take them himself. It was one thing to let Jongup help him so much, but Youngjae…if at all possible, Daehyun wanted to restore that trust the younger had had in him before he'd messed it up.

"Youngjae." His quiet tone made Youngjae look up.

"Yeah?"

"What about you, are you okay? This whole situation must've shocked you, huh?"

Youngjae fiddled with the zipper on his blue sweatshirt. "It was…pretty scary," he said at last. "Jongup-hyung kept telling me not to worry. He said even if you couldn't watch out for me, that he and the others would. They took good care of you, so if you trust them, then I guess I trust them." He paused, like he was searching for the right words. Daehyun just waited patiently, letting him get his thoughts out.

"I just…I wasn't really thinking about myself. I was just worried about you. I think it was a good thing, actually. I think I would've been more scared if I wasn't as focused on just making sure you were okay."

"It should've been the other way around. I should've been the one making sure you were okay." Daehyun almost missed the surprised look on Youngjae's face, but chose not to keep eye contact. "I mean, if someone was gonna get drugged, I'm glad it was me, not you, but still. Jongup was right. I should've been smarter. I should've looked out for you better." He forced himself to look up again. "I'm sorry."

A faint smile hovered around Youngjae's lips, like he couldn't decide whether he wanted to or not. After several seconds of fidgety hands, he finally smiled. "Thank you, and if you need it, then I forgive you, but I don't think you have to be sorry."

"I said I'd look after you. And that wasn't the only promise I broke," Daehyun mumbled, his hand automatically reaching out to still Youngjae's fidgety ones.

Youngjae looked at their hands for a second. "What do you mean?"

Daehyun looked at Youngjae looking at their hands, then drew his back. "Nothing. Well, not nothing, but, nothing that we need to talk about."

Uncertainty was written all over Youngjae's face, and Daehyun brushed aside his own gloomy thoughts. "Well, that's enough seriousness. I need to stretch my legs. You never told me what time it is."

"About 4pm."

"Okay, then, I want a walk before dinner. Come with me?"

Youngjae's face brightened up as his mouth curved into a gentle smile. "As if I'd let you go by yourself. You might fall over."

"Thanks, I feel so loved," Daehyun shot back, but with humor in his voice, making them both smile. He swung his legs over the bed and stood up, grabbing Youngjae's shoulder when the room swayed from side to side for a couple of seconds.

"You okay?" Youngjae hesitantly reached out to steady him.

Daehyun looked at him, feeling a definite all-is-right-with-the-world-again feeling swell up in his chest. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I'm good."

\--

The cool air of autumn felt infinitely better on his skin than sticky warmth of his dorm room. Daehyun took a deep breath of it, letting it cleanse in insides and take all the bad stuff away when he sighed. Swinging his arms back and forth, he tilted his head back to catch the rays of sunlight's last hurrah. It felt good.

Soft chuckling made him turn around, finding Youngjae leaning against a tree, arms folded, just watching him. Daehyun's heart swelled with relief and contentment that his friend really was okay. It had been a roller coaster of a meeting, what with being inducted into the circle and then Himchan's displeasure being made quite clear.

Daehyun knew why Himchan had allowed the kid inside, and it was purely because the circle was friends with those who were in the circle. If they met someone knew, they brought them along and presented them as candidates, and then it was all in the family again. But Daehyun, for reasons unknown, had gone out drinking with someone not in the family, a genuine loner, which must have seemed ridiculous to so many and especially to Himchan.

The circle's leader was clever and intelligent, but sometimes he appeared incredibly dense. In his psycho head, Daehyun had broken a rule, one of the unspoken rules, and so even though nobody else cared, Himchan cared, because this was his territory and everybody had to dance around what he said.

Before Youngjae, Daehyun had been perfectly willing to dance around what he said, because it had never restricted him before. Sure, the weekly Friday night parties were an annoyance, but he could deal. For the most part, Daehyun was grateful to the circle. He had a couple of very decent friends, all of whom had gotten into the circle by the same route he had. Himchan said he belonged, so he came along, and now there was no getting out.

Before Youngjae, Daehyun wouldn't have minded. He didn't need to get out. He didn't really notice how devilish Himchan could be, or maybe he didn't notice on purpose. He knew that the circle was the main source of bullies, but it wasn't that bad, he'd never thought it was cause for concern. But now it was happening to him, it was happening to Youngjae and Daehyun knew he had to do something about it.

"Daehyun?"

A soft voice pulled him out of his thoughts. He blinked and realized he'd just been standing and staring at Youngjae, who had moved away from the tree and was standing in front of him, face full of concern.

"Are you feeling okay? Do you want to sit down?"

Daehyun smiled. Youngjae was so cute when he was worried. "Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking."

"You were thinking some pretty heavy thoughts, then." Youngjae's eyes were still filled with concern as he smiled hesitantly.

"Mm. So, are we going to walk? Or do you want to keep staring at me?" Daehyun tried to be sassy, but Youngjae was unaffected.

"You were staring at me, too." The kid folded his arms again, ever so slightly pouting. The sight made Daehyun want to burst out laughing. So he did.

It started as a giggle which quickly turned into full on guffaws as he gasped breathlessly with his hands on his stomach. He couldn't seem to stop, and Youngjae was looked at him with a confused and slightly panicked expression. Eventually, Daehyun held his breath and bit his lip, forcing the giggles to settle down. So much laughter had left him feeling exhausted. He hadn't eaten anything since the soup earlier and his stomach felt incredibly hollow.

"I'm hungry." It came out almost as a whine and it banished all negativity from the younger's face.

Youngjae sigh-smiled and reached out to take his arm, surprising Daehyun a little, but he didn't protest. He was perfectly happy to lean on someone, especially since his headache was taking the opportunity to resurface a bit. Youngjae was slightly shorter, so his arm fit around his shoulder just about perfectly. Daehyun sighed a little without meaning too, the headache combined with tired legs making him want to sleep.

"Dae?"

The nickname slipped off Youngjae's lips so easily that Daehyun almost didn't catch it. He straightened a little, suddenly pulling away. His mind tried to hold on to the happy feeling of Youngjae calling him a nickname as he watched the figure in the distance become larger and larger.

Youngjae looked where he was looking and immediately turned into his small, hunched over self.

"Hey." Daehyun grabbed Youngjae's arm and shook him a little. "I'm gonna deal with this, okay? I want you to go ahead and get dinner. I might be along soon, I might not, but you can wait in my room after, if you want. Youngjae?"

The kid finally looked up, uncertainty written all across his face. "Yeah?" He whispered.

"I'm gonna protect you this time."

Youngjae hesitated, then nodded. "Okay." He gave a half-hearted smile before practically bolting off towards the cafeteria.

Daehyun watched him go, then turned to face the figure who was now much larger and closer. This was going to be awkward.

\--

Himchan was friendly, so incredibly friendly that Daehyun was on pins and needles. The circle's leader was always the most dangerous when he acted so out of character like this. If he had just been stern and serious, Daehyun would've been so much more relaxed and sure of himself. But recent events combined with the psycho leader's ever-present smile just made him antsy and anxious to get this over with and get out of there.

"So, Daehyun," Himchan began, in a casual, conversational tone that was actually rather frightening.

"Yeah?" His throat felt suddenly dry and tight.

Himchan put an arm around his shoulders. "Let's walk, shall we?" And they started to walk. "I care about you, you know. You're one of my faces, and I need you around." Himchan's voice was soft and soothing and Daehyun knew it was all too easy to let his guard down.

He wanted to escape Himchan's clutches, wanted to break free and tell the bully to find a new face, it wasn't like he lacked followers. But Youngjae was right; he wasn't ready to go up against the leader just yet. Not until there was absolutely no choice. And hey, the worst could be over. Maybe he'd passed some sort of test, or Youngjae had. Maybe Himchan would let up and things could go back to normal.

So instead of escaping, Daehyun just let out a bitter chuckle. "You have such odd ways of showing your affections."

Himchan's smile didn't waver. "Gikwang slipped the spin in your drink. He's a bit misguided, you know that."

Daehyun wasn't fooled. He knew perfectly well that Gikwang only ever did what Himchan approved of. Nobody used a spin without Himchan's permission. It was one of his signature moves. Only an idiot would spin another member on their own initiative. Not to mention that most spins had to be obtained through exclusive channels, and only Himchan's top and most trusted friends knew what those were.

"Yeah, I know," was what Daehyun said, but everything important was everything neither of them were saying.

"That Youngjae is a good kid. Don't know that he's cut out for this," Himchan remarked casually.

Daehyun thought carefully before replying. "I didn't think you'd approve of Junhong's friends."

Himchan's smile faltered for a microsecond. "They are young, but Yongguk thinks they'll shape up nicely."

Daehyun opened his mouth to say something about the quiet man having good judgment, but Himchan spoke first.

"He seems to have taken a liking to your recruit."

Recruit? Daehyun just wanted a friend that understood him.

"He dealt with the whole situation rather well, considering."

Dread was mixing with the trepidation pooling in Daehyun's stomach.

"I was thinking about having him join in with Jooheon and Changkyun's initiation, what do you think?"

Daehyun couldn't stop from blurting out the words. "You want Youngjae in the circle?"

"The more the merrier." Himchan's voice was calm and unmistakably sharp as a knife.

Gathering his scrambled thoughts, Daehyun struggled to regain that confidence that had seemed so natural just a few days ago. Sure, Himchan was intimidating, but Daehyun couldn't remember really being scared before. But here he wasn't scared for himself. He was scared for Youngjae. As he met the leader's gaze, he knew for sure and for certain that the worst was not over.

"What do you have against him? What did he do?" Daehyun heard himself whisper, almost against his will.

Himchan's smile was just patronizing at this point. "Daehyun, don't be silly. I don't have anything against the kid. He's just a kid who doesn't know what he's doing. So let's teach him what to do, yeah?" With a final pat on the shoulder, Himchan turned and resumed walking, leaving a dumbfounded and thoroughly ruffled Daehyun standing stock still.

Well, that did make more sense, now that he thought about it. It still made very little sense, but in the psycho leader's mind it probably made all the sense in the world. Youngjae had done absolutely nothing to go against Himchan or the circle.

But Daehyun had.

\--

He never actually made it to dinner, though his stomach was growling and his headache had returned. For a while, he just stood where Himchan had left him, not really thinking about anything, just wondering what he would tell Youngjae. Maybe he should tell him nothing, just ask for trust.

Youngjae deserved answers, but how would he react? He wasn't the one in the line of fire, so it would just be needless worry. Daehyun couldn't even imagine what Himchan had lined up for him. It was nearly impossible to predict his next move. Even Yongguk couldn't always tell, and since he'd shown clear affiliation for the Youngjae-team, it was extremely unlikely that Himchan would confide in him this time.

After a while, when he became aware of his own shivering and now total lack of apatite, no matter what he needed, Daehyun stirred and slowly meandered back to his room. He took his time, feeling his previous exhaustion sink deeper and deeper into his bones, so that by the time he actually made it back to his dorm room, he felt like absolute shit. He half hoped that Youngjae hadn't taken him up on his offer and wasn't there, but when he opened the door to find him sitting on the couch, Daehyun was entirely grateful for the younger's trust and concern.

Youngjae turned as the door opened and stood up immediately after seeing Daehyun's condition. He rushed forward and let Daehyun lean on him like he was before Himchan had interrupted. "What happened? Are you okay? Come and sit down."

Daehyun couldn't help but feel bad that he was one again leaning on the younger, both physically and mentally. It served to strengthen his resolve to at least continue to be a shield against whatever Himchan felt like throwing at them. He knew stuff was going to be thrown, just what and where and when he had no idea, but now Youngjae's forehead was wrinkled in concern and Daehyun let other thoughts wash away.

He shook his head at the couch and Youngjae understood because he helped him over to the bed instead. Daehyun lay down with a sigh and immediately closed his eyes briefly, willing the tension in his muscles to ease. When he opened his eyes again, Youngjae was sitting beside him, eyes still full of worry, but features much softer.

Smiling slightly, Daehyun found himself reaching for Youngjae's hand, knee, something, he didn't know. He just wanted to hold on to something he felt was stronger than himself right now. "Did you eat?"

Youngjae let Daehyun grip his fingers. "Yeah. But I'm guessing you didn't. No wonder you're exhausted. Does your head hurt?"

Daehyun released a cough-laugh accompanied by a shiver, causing Youngjae to frown and reach for the comforter that was scrunched up near the foot of the bed. He pulled it up over Daehyun's body. "I'm gonna get you some painkillers, and something to eat with them. Don't go to sleep yet." He shook a finger in a teasing way, though his voice was serious.

He wanted to stay awake, really he did, but sleep kept clawing its way to the forefront of his mind. Daehyun could feel himself drifting off when a hand shook his shoulder gently and he opened his eyes blearily to see Jongup leaning over him with Youngjae peering over his shoulder.

"I just need to sleep," he heard himself saying, his voice a mixture of a whine and a whisper.

Jongup's smile was soft as he ran a hand through Daehyun's hair once. "I know. And we'll let you soon enough. But first you really need to eat and drink a little, okay? Otherwise you are going to wake up feeling even more miserable."

Sighing, Daehyun nodded. He hated acting childish, but in this situation he really couldn't bring himself to do anything else. Himchan was too much; he was still weak from the drug and lack of food and Daehyun was tired of being strong. He'd resume being the protector tomorrow, when he could actually trust himself to do it well.

He ate the soup that Jongup handed him. It was the same as that morning, and after the soup came water and pills. Then Jongup tucked him in, and Daehyun was too tired to mind that he really was being treated like kid and that his friends were looking at him like he was their cute, little son.

Go away problems, I'll see you tomorrow. And Daehyun fell asleep to a hand patting his shoulder and softly whispered "good night's."


	5. it's a friendship meant to be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daehyun likes to see Youngjae smile. (also, cheesiness.)

His head didn't hurt.

That was good.

He felt well rested and like he could take on the day and he was about to turn off his alarm when he realized that it was Monday and he had class. Daehyun almost fell out of bed at that thought, but after checking the time, he calmed down.

A shower was nice, and clean clothes were wonderful. He filled a mug with steaming hot tea and went over the reading that he hadn't done because he'd been rather occupied throughout the weekend. It wasn't hard stuff, and he soaked it up between bites of toast and sips of tea. He checked his phone again - ten minutes, and his first class was in the building next door. Daehyun threw his books into his backpack, pulled on an army-green jacket and boots and walked the two-minute walk with a spring in his step.

He stopped at the entrance to chat with some acquaintances who had heard that he'd been unwell and didn't elaborate but thanked them for their concern and congratulated them on finally getting together. Their faces full of surprise were priceless and Daehyun made a mental note to do that more often. His teacher greeted him in the hallway, complimenting his jacket and wished that the staff could get away with wearing such things. The contrast between the chaos of the weekend and the incredible normalness of this Monday morning was vast, and Daehyun much preferred normal to chaotic.

Both his morning classes were extremely enjoyable, but that might have been because he now noticed the presence of a certain somebody in them. Granted, they didn't actually talk during class and they sat on different sides of the room, in their usual places, but Daehyun liked knowing where Youngjae was and that he seemed to be enjoying himself too. Not that he kept sneaking glances at the younger or anything.

When the teacher commented on how Youngjae's voice had grown to a normal volume and everybody laughed, Daehyun definitely glanced over and gave his friend a reassuring smile. Luckily, Youngjae had the sense to catch it and return the favor. Daehyun's seatmate didn't hesitate to nudge him and make a suggestive face in Youngjae's direction. Daehyun also didn't hesitate to slap his arm and roll his eyes.

All in all, it was a good morning. Daehyun waited for his friend to appear and grabbed Youngjae's arm as soon as he stepped outside the classroom. "Come eat noodles with me."

Youngjae did a combination eye-roll and shrug of resignation as he let Daehyun pull him along the corridor until they got outside. "Okay, okay, you can let go already."

Daehyun let go, smiling. "I want noodles and I'm starving," he declared.

"I'm getting that," Youngjae answered as he pulled his backpack up onto his shoulder again.

"Walk! Fast!" Daehyun pushed Youngjae forward playfully, earning a small chuckle as they did walk rather quickly in the direction of the little noodle shop on campus. The cafeteria of the school was large, but there were also several small cafés and hole-in-the-wall shops with equally good food.

The two boys shared no more words until they were both sitting at a little table with bowls of noodles in front of them and Daehyun began inhaling them as fast as possible.

"Hey, slow down! You're gonna choke." Youngjae reached out and tapped his arm with his pair of chopsticks, waiting until his friend swallowed and drink some water before sighing and tucking into his own bowl. "So I guess you're feeling better."

Daehyun nodded. "No headache this morning and I don't feel tired anymore. Man, I don't even want to feel like that again. It was awful."

Youngjae smiled briefly. "It was awful for me and I didn't even get drugged."

Both of them were quiet after that, eating their noodles at a reasonable pace, with slightly saddened expressions on both faces. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, just a sobering one, but Daehyun still didn't enjoy it. He knew they had to talk about what Himchan had said, at least a little bit, and he knew he wouldn't be able to shake Youngjae's concern until he told him a least some of the truth, but he really wanted just one day without feeling antsy or nervous. Since meeting the kid just a few days ago, so much had happened. They were friends now, apparently, which was cool, but also, they had a mortal enemy ready to pounce at any second.

Daehyun rescinded that last one as he watched Youngjae throw out their trash. It wasn't that bad. And he knew to expect just about anything now. But never mind that, he was going to have a normal day with his new friend and they were not going to talk about drugs, mortal enemies or anything in between.

"So…" Youngjae started when he sat down again.

"No," Daehyun stopped him before he could get anything else out. "We've earned a day of nothing bad, so don't say it. We're gonna go to our classes and study afterward, and maybe talk or play some games and we'll see if Yongguk will make us good food for dinner and we'll go to bed afterwards, full and happy. You got that?"

Youngjae had a strange expression on his face, one that Daehyun couldn't quite decipher, but it faded into his signature shy smile soon enough as he nodded.

"Say it out loud."

"I got it, hyung." Youngjae sighed good-naturedly, shaking his head a little.

Daehyun rolled his eyes at that. "Yah, you've already been calling me by my name, so don't do that."

Youngjae was still smiling. "But you're older."

"It's still weird. Jongup doesn't call me 'hyung,' and he's your age."

"But I call Jongup-hyung 'hyung' and so doesn't it makes sense to call you hyung?" Youngjae retorted playfully.

"It makes more sense for you to call me 'hyung' instead of Jongup. Nobody calls Jongup 'hyung.' Even Junhong and his gang of whoever he's friends with at the moment. Yongguk tries to make him but the word 'hyung' just doesn't stick to Jongup."

"Okay then." Youngjae stood up and grabbed his backpack. "We've got class, hyung."

Daehyun stared at Youngjae's back as he walked away. "You, but…hey!" And promptly chased after him.

\--

"I don't want to sing this song."

Daehyun watched amusedly as Youngjae whisper-mumbled the lyrics of the assigned song to himself, frowning the whole time. They were sitting on a bench outside, it was 3pm and classes were over for the day. Monday was a short day, so now they could enjoy the sunshine, but Youngjae was frowning and that was not okay.

"Just ask for a change."

"No, he said specifically that we can't change because we're trying new things. Weren't you listening?"

"Oh, yeah, I guess so."

Youngjae wasn't frowning but he had that cur-fused look on his face that made Daehyun feel like fluffy clouds were tickling his throat. "How do you manage to get top grades when you don't even listen?"

"I listen," Daehyun said defensively. "I was just a little spaced out today, that's all."

"Didn't you take notes?"

"Of course I did, but you don't have to be totally focused to take notes. You just catch the emphasized words and the readings make sense of it all."

Youngjae was still cur-fused. "You…" He trailed off, not finishing his sentence.

"Me, what?" Daehyun was curious now.

"Nothing," Youngjae smile briefly before looking at his handout again. "Maybe if I play it at the same time it won't be so bad. We can use instruments."

"What instruments to you play?"

"Just piano. My mom taught me when I was little and then I taught myself. I was really sad when we sold our piano. It was beat-up and out of tune, but it was still a piano."

Daehyun fought the urge to hug him, seeing as sudden touching usually scared Youngjae. "But now you've got six different pianos to choose from!" He held out his arms for emphasis, though what he was emphasizing was really that he wanted to hug him.

Youngjae didn't pick up on that, of course, but at least he was smiling again, so Daehyun counted it as a victory. He realized that he counted every smile, every laugh to be a victory and wondered if there would be a day when Youngjae smiling and laughing would be so normal that he wouldn't even give it a second thought. That day would probably only come until Himchan's scheming was out of the picture, but damn it, he'd gone and made himself worried again.

No, none of that. Today was only for normalness and getting Youngjae to smile and laugh as much as possible. Daehyun was considering tickling the younger when a hand waved in front of his face.

"What are you thinking?"

"Can't you read my thoughts?" Daehyun teased.

Youngjae raised his eyebrows. "You might be able to read my mind fairly easily, but I have no idea what's going on in yours. Your face wasn't particularly cheerful, though."

"Actually, I was thinking of tickling you." The thoughts transformed into words and blossomed out of his mouth before he could stop them and both he and Youngjae sat in stunned silence for several seconds.

Finally, Youngjae said, "That's…please don't."

"Are you not ticklish? Jongup is, but he slaps you if you tickle him, so it ends up not really being worth it." Daehyun sighed.

Youngjae just smiled.

"You ARE ticklish!"

"Shut up or I'll slap you."

Silence again as Youngjae realized what he'd said and Daehyun just grinned from ear to ear.

"I…I mean, I don't like it…" Youngjae promptly hid his face in his hands as Daehyun exploded with laughter.

"Hey, come on, if I can't laugh at your favorite color, you can't laugh at me for this," Youngjae's voice was a pouty whine and only served to intensify Daehyun's joy.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he gasped out when the laughing settled down a bit. He held his stomach and giggled quietly to himself for another minute. "I just can't believe you'd actually slap me and then you were just so cute stuttering like that." Daehyun bit his sleeve to put down the rest of his giggles. "I'm sorry, okay, stop pouting like that, it's really not helping."

"I wasn't pouting!" Youngjae was trying to be angry, but a smile was poking through and Daehyun choked a little as more laughter tried to come out.

"Of course you weren't, just like you weren't pouting about the song choice, or the mention of tickles, or you think you've said something embarrassing…" Daehyun ticked items off on his fingers until Youngjae hands grabbed them to make them still.

"Okay, okay! That's enough, I get it!" But he smiled and Daehyun smiled back.

"So," he began, "shall we go find a piano?"

Youngjae sighed loudly and nodded, obviously relieved at the change of topic. He grabbed his backpack and followed Daehyun towards the music building.

It was a nice building and Daehyun liked it a lot. There were a lot of windows on the second story, light wood floors and pale blue walls that made every room seem spacious and airy, like you could really breathe and only smell music, not people. And that was what Daehyun liked the most, the smell of space and the sound of music and the feel of hands on keys or strings and then a voice or voices to blend in with it all. He couldn't wait to hear how Youngjae's voice blended.

He knew he'd heard it before, in class, but that was before he cared, before Youngjae's voice was something he looked forward to hearing, before he ever looked forward to seeing someone in class. Daehyun was a loner on the inside, and being surrounded by people all the time made him want this space, this time to not be a person, but to just be music.

Daehyun became aware of Youngjae staring at him, not in an open-faced way, but more fondly, like someone watching their friend rediscover something that they love. "I like this place," was all he said, almost not wanting to break the silence.

Youngjae nodded. "Me too. It's so light with the sun coming through the windows, but even on grey days, it's still less heavy than the classrooms."

"Yes! Exactly!" Daehyun said it softly but emphatically and Youngjae smiled.

Victory.

\--

Youngjae sat at one of the pianos, fingers lightly brushing over the keys.

His expression was contemplative, somewhere between serious and contented and Daehyun decided not to intrude on his thoughts just yet. There'd been a decent amount of prying between the two of them already. He'd let Youngjae say what he wanted; he wouldn't press him for more. He kept his own expression relaxed. Even if this kid couldn't read his thoughts, he sure could read his face, and he didn't want him to think there was anything worrying or bad happening at the moment.

There probably was. Himchan was probably cooking up something dastardly and evil wherever he was, but right now, there was no reason to ruin a perfectly lovely afternoon with such depressing thoughts.

Besides, it was nice to see him so free from worry. His shoulders were relaxed and one foot tapped a beat on the floor. But it was the fingers that really had Daehyun mesmerized. If he thought about it, anyone's fingers could be mesmerizing, the way they moved swiftly from key to key, precise and exact, creating something never heard, or something you had heard and wanted to hear again. Youngjae's fingers did that, moving effortlessly through the song sheets propped up against the piano back. Daehyun wasn't thinking about it, though, he was content just to watch and be hypnotized.

It was nice. It was nice to see Youngjae's face with a perfectly content expression. It was nice to be doing something so normal, like homework. It was nice to be doing homework with Youngjae. It was nice that the sun was shining. It was just all very nice and Daehyun was perfectly satisfied with nice.

"You know, one would think you'd never seen someone play the piano before," Youngjae commented, fingers stilling as he looked up at his friend's face. "This isn't even that pretty of a song. It's just like every other love confession. You make me crazy, I can't imagine another day without you, I never want to let you go, I love you, seriously, every single lyric in this song has been done before and probably better. I feel like I could sing a breakup song better than this song."

Daehyun found himself chuckling under his breath at Youngjae's speech. This kid really was adorable. He probably didn't even know that he was pouting. Daehyun reached out and poked Youngjae's cheek.

"What would you know about breakups?"

Youngjae pushed his hand away. "Nothing. I don't know if it's easier to sing about starting love or ending love. What about you?"

Daehyun shoved Youngjae lightly so he could sit on the piano bench beside him. "I've never had a breakup, but I've seen it happen to my friends. I don't know which is easier. At any rate, I think the 'hate' afterward is often stronger than the 'love' during. Such is it with the youth of today," he finished with a lofty air.

Youngjae rolled his eyes.

Daehyun smirked before putting his own hands on the piano, skirting over several keys before finding the ones he wanted. He played a couple of basic chords to get the feel of it.

"That's basic stuff."

"Yes, thank you, Youngjae, I'm aware." Daehyun knew Youngjae heard the humor in his voice because he scoffed and elbowed him immediately after. "I always do this, it's like a warm up."

Youngjae hummed his understanding, watching his friend's fingers.

Daehyun finished his "warm up" and sat up a little straighter, settling down to business. His fingers danced like Youngjae's had, moving effortlessly from key to key, almost subconsciously as he played the familiar tune. He started to hum the melody of the song somewhere in the middle, parts of words mixing with unintelligible sounds of "hum, hmm, ah" as he made his way through, ad-libbing a bit with the instrumental. He briefly forgot Youngjae was even next to him.

Music did that to him, for him. It took him out of his head and into a different plane, somewhere where he didn't have total control of himself. The music led, he followed and out came something that he hummed to himself for the next few days without even meaning to. Jongup would tease him about it, not that he cared.

Just he wasn't caring right now. His fingers followed the music sheets, but his lips followed his own inclination, a longing for something more substantial than the words on the paper. A melody could contain many meanings and he wanted this one to have something better than what currently belonged to it.

He came to the end almost abruptly, falling back into his body, back into realization of reality and the fact that this song really sucked. Why on earth would they be assigned such an awful song? There had to be something he was missing. Youngjae was right. This song had been done a thousand times before.

Daehyun hit several keys at once, that made a very distinctly unpleasant sound and he found himself turning to see Youngjae looking at him with his signature cur-fused expression.

"Hyung? What's up with your face?"

"I wish you'd just call me Daehyun." He sighed despondently, because he could and because he knew the obvious exaggeration would probably make Youngjae smile. It did.

"Too late." Youngjae's smile was actually rather smug. "What was that about? You weren't singing the right words, you weren't even singing real words at all."

Daehyun pulled his hands back, letting his shoulders slump back down. "Nothing. I don't like this song either. The melody is basic, but with some decent feeling it could be something better. What were the professor's exact words?"

Youngjae frowned at him. "So you didn't listen."

"Youngjae…" Daehyun didn't mean to whine, but it came out that way anyway.

Youngjae rolled his eyes again. "We can't change the music."

Daehyun thought about that. "But we could change the words."

They looked at each other, conspiratorial smiles spreading across their faces.

"Yeah," Youngjae nodded slowly. "We could."

\--

They were sitting on the floor, notebooks and pens at hand, racking their brains for something more clever than what they were originally given to work with. Daehyun sighed, closing his eyes. Inspiration was a butterfly and it had definitely flown away.

"Jongup doesn't call you hyung."

Daehyun opened his eyes to stare at Youngjae for a moment. The kid was looking at him with a half-thoughtful, half-bored expression, like he also had let go of his butterfly.

"He's like that. He starts out somewhat respectful, but somewhere along the way he transforms into his normal, rascally self and you realize that you like that version better, so you don't demand it. He calls Yongguk hyung sometimes, sometimes not."

"What about Himchan?"

"Chief."

"Chief?"

"He calls Himchan 'chief,' always has." Daehyun pulled his notebook back up onto his lap from where it'd fallen to the floor. Words were written, crossed out and written again haphazardly across the page. He scribbled over a couple absent-mindedly.

"It's what his more dedicated followers call him and Jongup never got out of the habit. He knew Himchan in high school too, same as Yongguk and Junhong. According to Yongguk, Himchan was at least semi-normal at one point.

"I met Jongup my first day here. He's the one who recruited me, introduced me to "chief" Himchan, but I just always called him by his name. Just like Jongup never called me hyung. It was Daehyun from day one and now it's mostly just Dae."

Youngjae wrinkled his nose briefly. "But he's the same age as I am."

"But a year ahead." Daehyun smiled.

"So…" Youngjae set down his pen. "He skipped a year?"

"Yep." Daehyun chuckled at the incredulous look on Youngjae's face. "I know, he doesn't seem the type, right? A little dorky, a little awkward, a lot confusing. He's actually incredibly smart, at least with academics. With everything else, he's a lot weirder. But I guess that's why we all love him."

"Huh." Youngjae blinked a couple of times, sounding distinctly surprised. "I wouldn't have guessed that. What is he majoring in?"

"Dance."

"...Dance? When he's so smart?"

"Dance and business."

Youngjae opened his mouth and left it open for a few seconds, leaving Daehyun to grin amusedly. "He has a double major in dance…and business?"

"Yep."

"For real?"

"Yep."

"His parents agreed to that?"

"Yongguk's parents. They're his guardians and are firm believers in choosing a career based on talents as much as practicality."

Youngjae had both legs stretched out and was leaning forward with his hands on his knees. "Wait, Yongguk-hyung's parents are his guardians?"

"Uh-huh." Daehyun crossed out the line he was writing and started a new one.

"Should I not ask?"

"Isn't that asking? Yongguk's parents are Jongup's god-parents and when his own were killed in an awful car accident, they got legal guardianship since he doesn't really have any other family."

"Oh." Youngjae's pen was drawing aimless lines across his notebook.

Daehyun looked up and smiled gently. "Youngjae?"

"Yeah?"

"He doesn't talk about it, but you don't have to feel bad for him. He's very well-adjusted and we all support him."

"I understand."

"You don't look so good. Want to stop talking about it?"

"...Yeah."

Daehyun scooted across the floor a little, gesturing to Youngjae to follow suit. He followed without a word, scooting forward until they were sitting next to each other with their backs against the wall. They didn’t say anything for a few minutes, Youngjae still doodling on his notebook and Daehyun just watching him.

He wanted to hold the kid, to say something funny, to wipe that morose look off his face, but he didn't know if any of those actions would actually help, so he did nothing, just chewed on his lip.

Youngjae finally looked up, saw Daehyun's expression and smiled faintly. "Am I worrying you again?"

Daehyun shrugged, trying to disguise his actual concern, knowing Youngjae would see right through him otherwise. "Maybe a little? I like it better when you're smiling."

"I'm smiling." Youngjae pulled his feet in to sit cross-legged again.

"Barely." Daehyun put a hand on the kid's knee, not really thinking about the action.

"Dae…" Youngjae's face was gentle.

Daehyun smiled at that.

Youngjae smiled too. "Honestly, hyung, are you gonna worry every time I'm not smiling?"

Daehyun nodded solemnly, hiding his smile, rather unsuccessfully.

Youngjae threw his hands up at that. "Really?!"

Daehyun's shoulders quivered as he laughed silently at how cute Youngjae was being. "Okay, I won't worry if you're not smiling, but I still want to make you smile."

"I'm getting that." Youngjae swiftly fended off Daehyun hand. "I told you no tickling!"

"Fine." He went back to staring at his very scribbled on notebook. "I've got this and this, but nothing to go between them.

Youngjae peered at the scribbles and showed his own notes. "Well, I've got this and this, and somehow we managed to write about the same thing."

"I don't even have to speak, you read my mind, you know me?" Daehyun read incredulously.

"I think we're writing about each other."

They exchanged glances again.

"That's…"

"…a little weird," Youngjae finished. "Isn't it? It's weird, right?"

"Well," Daehyun thought about it. "They won't know. They'll think it's just about a girl."

"Everybody knows you don't have a girlfriend."

"And you obviously don't have a girlfriend."

Youngjae deadpanned and Daehyun bit his lip to keep from grinning.

"Let's, uh…"

"Write about something else?" Daehyun couldn't hold back his smile.

Youngjae was losing his battle with laughter as well. "Yeah, let's do that."

"Inspiration is like a butterfly."

"What?"

"My mom used to say that."

"Well, it's flown away."

"Exactly!"

Youngjae opened and closed his mouth a few times. "We are weirdly in sync."

Daehyun shrugged again. "It's a friendship meant to be."

"Wow. That is so cheesy."

"I'm writing it down."

"I thought we were trying to write something less cheesy."

Daehyun sigh-smiled. "Yeah, well, hmm."

Youngjae nodded, then flailed dramatically before falling over. Daehyun stopped writing and stared at his friend, eyebrows raised. "It's not that bad."

"Oh, go catch a butterfly."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After so much drama, you need a little fluff, right? Well, I do, and I'm the writer, and I say fluff. Next chapter is explanations (which are also needed) but I suspect some people will be like "Himchan ****" and so, first let me butter you up with sweet Daejae-ness first.


	6. I don't know him anymore (a storm is coming)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Himchan is a psycho.  
> But he wasn't always.  
> He wasn't always, but he is now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of what I had already written! So unless I get inspired to write a lot more, this is the last chapter for a little while. I'm really trying to finish Better than Tears first. Please comment? :):)

Himchan had always looked out for himself.

Ever since he was a kid and Yongguk would invite him over to play at his house and his mom would offer him cookies and Junhong would look up at him with adoring eyes, Himchan has been looking out for himself. His parents were big business people, both working long hours, leaving their son to fend for himself in that big house.

That's why he was always going over to Yongguk's house. His mom was warm and gave great hugs, plus Junhong was such a cutie. Later on, Jongup was there all the time too. He was a weird one. Himchan didn't know quite what to do with him, but Yongguk made it clear that he was family.

Yongguk made a lot of things clear. Like, in middle school, when the bullies tried to hurt Himchan, Yongguk made it clear that he wasn't to be bothered. "Don't touch him again," his friend had said, and at the time, Himchan had been grateful. His parents weren't around to protect him, but Yongguk was, and that felt good. After a while, though, of constantly being saved by others, Himchan started to hate himself. He hated that he wasn't good enough or able to save himself. He hated that he wasn't tough. He was a delicate little momma's boy and he hated it. Something had to change.

He'd been leaning too much. He was going to look out for himself. By himself.

Yongguk was a very perceptive person, but everyone has their blind spots. He didn't see the change coming until it was too late. Himchan had been getting more and more distant. He'd stopped eating lunch with them and Junhong missed his praises for good grades and talking to girls. Jongup was quiet about it.

Jongup was the sort of person who talked a lot and did very little, but he also listened and watched. He suspected what was going on and tried to warn Yongguk, but the eldest couldn't believe it, couldn't believe that his friend would turn into something he was not. Hadn't he taken good care of him? Hadn't he looked out for him?

But it was too late. Of course it was. Always too bloody late.

The next time somebody tried to bully Himchan, they ended up with a black eye and sore ribs for their trouble. Yongguk was shocked, Junhong was stunned and Jongup held him when he cried. Himchan talked like a different person now. He acted like he was the boss. He suddenly had such high self-esteem and confidence and nobody was messing with him. It was a school were no one ever told on anyone else. The teachers didn't care. The students didn't care as long as they weren't in the line of fire. 

Before anyone could sense the change, Himchan was the one calling the shots. Yongguk was never sure what exactly had happened, but his friend had morphed into something he couldn't recognize. Junhong was confused and Yongguk told Jongup to keep him away, keep him away from Himchan until he could assess the situation. The situation was obvious, but Yongguk held out hope till the end. That his best friend hadn't become what he'd always hated the most: a bully.

They'd met on the rooftop.

Himchan had had this wild look in his eyes. He was at ease and tense at the same time. He told Yongguk that they didn't have to be friends anymore if he wasn't comfortable. There'd be no trouble for him. Junhong wouldn't get picked on or anything. But he didn't want to mooch off them any longer. Yongguk said that it had never been that, it was never like that. 

"You can stand up to them without becoming them."

"Easier said than done. They've always hurt me! I'm always the target. I'm sick of it! But now, I'll be the one picking the targets."

"You've just become what you hate."

"I've become better! I'm at the top now! I can choose. I can make things right for people."

"I'll change you."

"It already has. If that's too much, you can walk away."

"You're like my brother. Brothers can't quit each other."

"Maybe you can't," Himchan had whispered. "But I've changed now, see? I'm not going to be the victim anymore. You'll have to accept that if you're gonna stay."

"I'll stay," Yongguk had promised.

And he had. Throughout high school and when they chose a college together, Yongguk had always been by Himchan's side. He knew that without something tying him down to his former life, Himchan would be so lost. He held out hope that someday he could get his friend to come to his senses, to bring him back to the innocent youth he'd once been. Yongguk would never abandon him, never betray him.

At this point, Himchan didn't really know what a friend was anymore. He didn't know what loyalty or betrayal was either. He only knew that he could make people scared and if they were scared, then he was in charge, and nobody could make him this victim. It was always clear that Yongguk did not support his position, but he never left. When the circle was formed, he'd joined, letting Junhong join as well, but keeping him close and away from trouble.

Himchan wasn't completely without a soul. He might order Junhong and Jongup around, but he'd never put them in harm's way. That much he still felt for his old friends. That much he understood. He knew that if anything happened to those two, Yongguk couldn't be by his side anymore, and as much as he tried to reason with himself, he knew he couldn't face life without him. It was too bleak a prospect. 

Yongguk had always looked after him

Himchan would never admit it, but his friend had always done a better job of it.

\--  
It had been an eventful day, that first day on campus. Himchan had strut everywhere he went, flirting with whoever he liked, no matter what their boyfriends said. Yongguk hadn't said a thing. He'd long since learned that nothing stopped Himchan from doing what he wanted. The only real thing to be done was to stop him from doing something he didn't really want.

That wasn't the case this time, because Himchan wanted to be king of the campus, and nothing was gonna stop him.

He'd been clever. He'd set up connections beforehand, meeting the owner of a private club near the campus, arranging times and shipments of alcohol and spin, leveling the ground so it was ready for him to take charge. It was a guy named Doojoon in charge before Himchan had arrived, but he was graduated. Himchan had met with him beforehand, to learn the secrets and gain new allies.

Not friends, because he couldn't have those. Too much to care about that he didn’t need, but allies? Yes, those were good. Doojoon hadn't been particularly impressed with Himchan's tale of high school.

"This is college now. It's a brave new world and if you're not ready for it, I won't sign off on you."

"Well, it's good that I don't really care about that, then, isn't it? Himchan had coolly replied. 

Hyunseung, Doojoon's right-hand man, was slightly more interested, but that might've been on account of his strong desire to hang about people with spin. The meeting went off without a hitch and Doojoon handed over his keys. "Don't ruin the place, yeah? The circle's got a reputation to uphold. Don't go soft, don't get in trouble."

Himchan could do that. And he did.

By the end of the first month, the circle's Friday night parties were already practically legend. Hyunseung had introduced a few friends he thought Himchan might like, and he went through three girlfriends before Yongguk had had enough.

"What do you think you're doing?"

It was late on Friday. Everyone had gone and Gikwang was cleaning up the mess, sort of. Himchan pat the kid on the shoulder and told him to go get some sleep. Yongguk watched him leave. Junhong was asleep on the couch, head almost falling off.

He gently lifted it up and draped a jacket over his brother before facing his once best friend. "Really? Is this what college is going to be for you? An endless party? Are you going to be a walking cliché? Seriously, you're better than this."

The way Himchan looked at him that night, the way his eyes were slightly unfocused but his tone of voice was unmistakable; that was the night that Yongguk knew he'd really lost his friend.

"You're right. I'm better than this. I'm better than stupid parties and people who beg at the door to get it. I'm better than girls who want nothing more than a night to forget and luckless kids who'll drop out next year. I'm better than all of them.

"I'm better than a cliché. I'm the king of it all. I'm the one they all want to be. I've been here a few weeks and they already answer to me. Yeah, it's gonna be an endless party and I'm the host. I'm the host of the club that makes you somebody. Don't you see all those losers out there who have their books and that's it? They're gonna graduate and spend their whole life with a miserable job they hate because it pays the bills and what will this have done for them?

"I'm giving people the chance to live before they exist! I'm selective too, you know. I won't have slackers and dropouts in here. We're the best, the people who know how to live and who plan to keep living for as long as we can. I'm gonna show them the world and they're gonna learn how to take it."

Himchan and Yongguk stood face to face, both a little stunned at the former's speech. It took several seconds for either of them to get their breath back.

"So…this is what you think living is?"

"Well, it sure isn't how I used to live. Nobody likes to be the victim, Yongguk, and I'm gonna teach them how to be winners."

"Because you know all about that."

"You bet I do," Himchan snapped. "I was a loser and now I'm a winner. I had money but I had nothing and I'm gonna prove that you can find happiness in power and yes, parties. In being with people. In breathing and drinking and knowing you count for something, right here, right now."

"This counts for something? A college club? No, a gang is more like it. This is what you call something?"

"It's better than what I had before."

Yongguk stared at Himchan with hurt battling in his chest, but his friend didn't see it. "You had us. You always had us. You still do. That was something."

Himchan shook his head. "No, it wasn't. You were there, but it didn't mean anything. Everybody still thought I was crap. Nobody thinks I'm crap anymore."

"I never thought that."

"It's too late." Himchan almost sounded regretful for a moment, but then that moment passed and it was gone, his voice was hard again. "I'm better now. Better than all of them."

"I always looked after you."

"I can look after myself."

Silence. Yongguk roused Junhong and pulled him to his feet, sleep still half-holding on to him. Himchan watched them make it to the door before speaking up.

"Are you going to stay?" His voice sounded dead even to his own ears, but the plea could be heard nonetheless.

Yongguk didn't turn around. "I promised, didn't I?"

\--

Every morning for the past two weeks, Daehyun woke up with the same thought: nobody is going to hurt Youngjae.

It wasn't the most cheerful thought to have run through his mind first thing in the morning, but he believed it to be a positive one. It was positive because he had a determination to do something, not a desperation to take something back. He did still think it a wonder than the Youngjae had stayed with him, had even bothered to come with him that Saturday morning. That day had been a disaster. Scary Himchan in the morning, scary Himchan in the evening, that whole drug incident; somehow it hadn't fazed the kid. Youngjae had gone through an ordeal that should have made him run away and become the most lonely loner on campus, but instead he'd stayed. It constantly amazing Daehyun just how he'd come to care about Youngjae, and just how much Youngjae seemed to care for him too.

He was smiling a lot now, and returning Daehyun's teasing. Their friendship had blossomed incredibly quickly and so far there hadn't been any other bumps in the road. Since meeting Youngjae, getting him into a mess he wasn't prepared for and then utterly failing to prove that he was trustworthy, things had been good. For some reason, Youngjae trusted him now more than ever and the two of them had taken to spending most the day not spent in class with each other.

As Youngjae said, "Two heads are better than one. I used to think it was a silly saying, since it usually makes things more difficult, but our heads seem to run on the same tracks, so I'm perfectly willing to spend time with you."

"Thanks, Youngjae, that makes me feel great." Daehyun rolled his eyes.

"You know what I mean! You can almost read my mind, I'm learning to read yours, though I'm sure I'll never be as good as Yongguk-hyung. Are we sure he's not telepathic?"

"I don't know. Maybe he's just really empathic, and feels our thoughts through our emotions. Or he's just really good at observing and predicting behavior."

"That makes a lot more sense. I didn't really think he was telepathic."

"You're not one to believe in the ridiculous, I'm aware."

"It's normal to suspect multiple personalities when the person in questions seems to have them."

"Jongup is just complex. And a genius. If you had a head like his, wouldn't you want to take advantage of it?"

"Is he ever going to get a girlfriend?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Couldn't he take advantage of his genius to get a girlfriend?"

"I don't think he really wants one."

Youngjae sported his signature cur-fused expression for several moments before sighing. "I don't understand him."

"None of us really do. But you like him though, right?"

"Yeah, I like him."

Jongup joined them, sometimes, not much, since he had none of their classes, but at lunch or in the evenings when they had a mutual agreement that homework was evil and they needed fresh air, he'd just randomly show up and join them. The back of the campus jutted up against a forest and there were several trails ranging from walking to hiking paths. It turned out that both Daehyun and Youngjae enjoyed meandering walks through the trees to clear their thoughts and Jongup surprised the latter by enjoying it as well. Daehyun knew Youngjae had the impression that Jongup was a high-energy, talkative, people person, but there were so many other facets to his personality and it was amusing to see Youngjae become constantly cur-fused by the moment-by-moment changes.

"The things about Jongup, see, is that he doesn't like to be one thing for too long." They were walking along their usual route, a cool breeze lazily brushing against their eyelashes and the late afternoon sun saying his goodbyes to the sky.

Youngjae poked at a tree with the stick he'd picked up earlier. "What do you mean, exactly? Doesn't that interfere with his career choice that I'm still confused about how that's going to work?"

Daehyun chuckled, glancing to the side at Jongup rambling through the first of autumn's leaves to find himself a good walking stick. "No, what I mean is that his mind is so high above everyone else's that if he were to stick with the same personality and same approach to life all the time, he'd get really bored. I'm serious," he laughed at Youngjae's expression. 

"He tends to seem flighty and someone who never finishes things or does whatever he was conjecturing about doing - and he is, a bit - because he moves from one thing to the next too fast. He really is very smart and classes are easy for him. The rest of life needs to be more challenging."

"Wouldn't it be challenging then, if he had to stick to one personality?" Youngjae stood still as Jongup came crashing back towards them, a dejected look on his face and hands devoid of a walking stick.

"I guess, but then we'd all be bored."

"Why would you be bored? You have me around, your constant source of gossip, good ideas and gummy worms." Jongup reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a bag of the candy, offering it, but both his friends shook their heads. "Fine. I just wanted to prove that I had them, anyway."

Youngjae offered his stick to Jongup, who happily accepted it and swung it lazily with one hand as they continued walking. "Jongup?"

"Yeah, kiddo?"

Daehyun thought it was ridiculous that Jongup, who the same age as Youngjae, called him 'kiddo,' and from the expression on Youngjae's face, he agreed, but well, that was Jongup. Just as Daehyun saw both of them as 'kids' in a way, everyone was fair game for any nickname his quirky friend thought up. 'Kiddo' really wasn't so bad.

"Which one is the real you?"

Jongup smiled, not saying anything for a couple of minutes. Youngjae didn't press the issue, and Daehyun knew he was wondering if he'd pressed too far just by asking. The kid was so easy to read. As they neared the edge of the trees, Jongup spoke up to answer Youngjae's question, effectively soothing his anxiety at the same time.

"They all are, kiddo. They all stem from me. They're just different variations. I suppose at heart I'm just a person who likes to know stuff, but my methods of obtaining information varies depending on how I feel that day. Sometimes I'm more intellectual, sometimes I feel like being Junhong's rowdy best friend. It just depends. There's too much time in life to only be one thing."

Daehyun chuckled dryly. "For you, maybe. For us normal ducks there's only about just enough time to cram the necessary information from our schoolbooks into our brains and fall into bed with stray wishes for more hours in the day dancing on our eyelids before we pass out."

"How very poetic of you, Dae. I should write that down."

Daehyun and Jongup stuck their tongues out at the same time, laughing afterwards. Youngjae just shook his head at them and Daehyun elbowed his friend. "Don't you think I'm poetic, Youngjae?"

"Well, yeah, you write great lyrics when you're not high on gummy worms."

This statement only served to make Jongup laugh harder and Daehyun wanted to ruffle Youngjae's hair, hug him and laugh at him all at once. He settle for hair ruffling, something the kid was used to at this point, since it was Daehyun's staple way of saying, "you're cute, Youngjae-ah," without actually saying it out loud and embarrassing him. Even more than when he did say it out loud.

As it was, Youngjae's cheeks were a bit rosy for a second or two and he gave a "humph" in their general direction.

Jongup gasped dramatically. "He just "humph-ed" us, Dae."

Daehyun nodded solemnly. "I heard. He must think he's better than us."

"Not very nice. Perhaps we won't share any more gummy worms with him?"

"That's a good idea. Kids who "humph" don't deserve gummy worms."

Youngjae stopped walking and looked at both of them imploringly, hands naturally twisting together. Daehyun laughed for another second before breathing deeply and looking fondly toward his friend. While Youngjae was quite adept at teasing now, he was still getting used to people being fake mad at him and it still made him uncomfortable whenever Daehyun pretended to be upset with him. He knew to never do it for long. He much preferred Youngjae's smiling face to his tight, uncomfortable one.

"It's okay, Youngjae-ah, we're not mad." He knew that Youngjae knew that, but it seemed to give greater reassurance if he said it out loud. Even as he told him, the kid's face relaxed and he nodded, a small, sheepish smile on his face.

Daehyun caught Jongup staring at the both of them with an equally fond expression on his face. "What?"

"Nothing," Jongup hummed, as they all resumed walking toward the dorm buildings. "Nothing."

With Jongup, it was never nothing, but Daehyun knew he wasn't going to get more of an answer than that, so he let it be and they finished their walk in comfortable, companionable silence.

\--

The leaves had all fallen and night had started appearing before afternoon had said a proper goodbye and everything was extremely normal.

Daehyun sat down beside Yongguk with an exaggerated sigh. The older looked up briefly, taking in his junior's posture, expression and darting glances all in one cursory once-over. He stuck in his bookmark and reached out with the other hand to pat Daehyun's head a couple of times. Even if it looked weird, Daehyun couldn't deny that it was a comforting feeling. Even if everybody was just a puppy to Yongguk, it didn't matter because his hyung would always know how to take care of him. Even if Youngjae still automatically jerked away from the touch, it didn't matter because at least he wasn't scared of the taller guy anymore. Sure, Yongguk was intimidating to look at, but Youngjae now knew that he was as soft as caramel dripped over ice cream.

"Still nothing," he said quietly before returning to his book. 

Daehyun glanced sideways with a pout before pulling out a book of his own and skimming through the pages. "It's starting to get to me, hyung. He just treats everything like it's all normal. He doesn't even acknowledge that Youngjae exists, but he doesn’t notice Junhong's friends either, so I guess that's normal. But still! He made it out to be such a big deal and it's been two months! And nothing!" He was whisper-shouting because he hated to be scolded by that creepy, library guy. "Even at the Friday parties. He just winks at me like normal and parades around with his girlfriends and it makes me think that everything really is back to normal, but come on, it's Himchan. When Dongwoon tried to leave, he made his life hell. He's gotta have something up his sleeve. And yet, two whole months of nothing." He scowled at the tabletop.

Yongguk turned the page of his book. "Shouldn't you be grateful?"

"Sure," Daehyun scoffed quietly, "I'm grateful that he's acting like a relatively normal human being, even if he does have two girlfriends." He found the chapter he was supposed to be reading and settled in his chair, but it was barely a minute later when he turned to Yongguk again. "Do you know what's going on with Jongup?"

"He working on a research paper."

"Yeah, we're all working on research papers right now, you included. I meant besides that. He's barely hung out with us this week and Junhong says he's been frowning a lot."

"Home stuff."

"Hyung, you're his home. What does that mean?"

"It's nothing to worry about. Some distant family of his has come forward and there's some inheritance that's being reassigned or something, I don't know the details."

Daehyun scoffed again. "You always know everything, how can you not know this? Jongup is like your brother."

Yongguk sighed, a deep sound that seemed to come from the earth. "Jongup is an adult and is handling this on his own with my parents' help. I haven't included myself because he doesn't need it. If he asks or volunteers information, then I'll get involved."

"Why would an inheritance be troublesome? He's got plenty of money from his biological parents, doesn't he?"

"I don't know the details."

"Himchan looks like he knows something."

"It's very likely. He knows a lot about Jongup's family. I doubt he'll try to use the knowledge to his advantage, though. There's nothing to be gained by that, even if--" Yongguk cut himself off.

Daehyun leaned forward. "Even if what?"

Yongguk pressed his lips together for a moment. "Growing up, Himchan never really liked Jongup. He still doesn't, but he leaves him more or less alone because he considers him to be under my protection."

"Wait," Daehyun held up a hand unnecessarily and thought about that for a second. "Is that why…is that why Himchan hasn't done anything? Did you declare Youngjae under your protection?"

"I said he was a good kid and that I liked him. Maybe that was enough for Himchan. But, Daehyun, just because he's gotten over your so-called betrayal doesn't mean that he won't find something else to hold against you. You're still in the circle, both of you. Don't do anything to make him mad again."

"I don't plan on it," Daehyun muttered.

Yongguk looked him straight in the eye. "Good. Because my words mean less and less to him. I used to know him like I know Junhong. I don't know him anymore."


End file.
